


The Rediscovered Country

by theoofoof



Series: Rediscovery (Post 19x13) [1]
Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: F/M, Fix-It, post-ep
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-23
Updated: 2018-04-22
Packaged: 2019-03-23 01:03:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 39,312
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13776384
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theoofoof/pseuds/theoofoof
Summary: Is this really the end for Olivia and Barba? Or can they find a way forward, together? Post-ep for 19x13





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> My attempt to fix the events of what I am calling the-episode-that-shall-not-be-named... This will be multi-chapter.

Olivia Benson sat on her sofa, glass of Cabernet in hand, struggling to keep the tears at bay. It had been one hell of a week. Rafael Barba was gone. She could barely bring herself to believe it.

He and his big brass ego had swaggered into her world six years ago and, although at first she thought him arrogant, awkward and far too ambitious, he’d quickly become a mainstay in her life. He became her best friend, her confidante. He was her soul mate. She’d thought they would be together forever; planned on growing old with him in her life. But that wasn’t going to happen anymore.

Just like that, it was over. Without warning. He’d resigned from the DA’s office, all but confessed his love for her and then he was gone. He’d just turned and walked away.

 _‘You didn’t give him any reason to stay,’_ said a little voice in her head.

She knew her subconscious was right. She didn’t call out or chase after him. But it wasn’t for lack of wanting. She just hadn’t been able to. She’d been frozen, only able to watch as the man she trusted and loved most in the world had walked away.

 _‘And the times before when you could have shown him?”_ the voice asked.

They’d worked together for six years and there’d been plenty of opportunities for her to make a move or tell him how she felt about him. She knew he felt it too. It was implicit in both his words and his actions.  Something wonderful that was never spoken. He’d tried to move them forward by asking her for dinner several times, but she’d always had to refuse. She was a single mother and her responsibilities to Noah had to come first.

She’d thought there would be time for them. That they would someday get there. Maybe when Noah was a bit older, or when life was a little less complicated. If she’d known what was going to happen; that their world was going to be shattered by this case, she would have responded differently. She would have let him take her out, let him wine her and dine her.

But now she’d never know what it would feel like to be wooed by Rafael Barba. And woo he would, because she knew that underneath his big, brass ego, was a romantic soul. It may have been hardened by past relationships, but Olivia felt its softness and warmth every day. In every look they shared, in every word they spoke.

She would never know the feel of his lips on hers, the warmth of his hand enveloping hers, the delight of his weight above her in bed. She would never again sit next to him in Forlini’s or meet him for coffee or watch as he and Noah built Lego robots together.

 _‘You could,_ ’ the voice said. _‘Go to him._ ’

She looked at her watch. It was late, nearing ten pm. Noah was fast asleep in bed. Could she really call Lucy and ask her to come over, just so she could go and talk to Rafael?

_‘Not just to talk to him. To tell him how you feel and finally have it out with him, once and for all.’_

It was something she’d never got to do with Elliot; she never had that closure and for years afterwards she had always wondered, ‘what if…’. She didn’t want that with Rafael. She didn’t want their relationship to come down to regrets and wonderings. She needed to know she’d done everything in her power to save it.

She reached for her phone and found Lucy’s number. She would claim a work emergency and then pay the girl double and take Noah out for breakfast to assuage her conscience. She would go to him and she would have her say. Then… well, she could only hope. But anything had to be better than the pain and uncertainty she felt right now.

* * *

It was almost eleven o’clock at night and Rafael Barba was packing. He sat on his living room floor, dressed in sweats and a faded Harvard t-shirt, surrounded by boxes and haphazard piles of books, CDs and DVDs. He’d given notice to his landlord the day he was charged knowing that he was, most likely, going to jail. And that even if, by some miracle, he was found not guilty, he would not be keeping his job, and the salary that went with it that allowed him the luxury of his Park Avenue condo.

In the end, the decision to leave the DA’s office had been his and his alone. Jack McCoy had offered Rafael his support should he want to stay, but he couldn’t. There was a stain on his reputation now. Everyone knew what he’d done. Some people agreed with him and thought he’d made the right decision, but some didn’t. And to them, the not guilty verdict wouldn’t matter one iota. His position had, in his view, become untenable.

So now he was unemployed and about to be homeless. It hadn’t taken long for a new tenant to be found. After all, his building was in one of the most sought-after locations in the city. He was leaving his furniture for the next tenant, but Rafael had booked a removal company to take most of his personal items to the storage unit he’d rented. They would be here in the morning.

He was packing away his collection of Tom Wolfe books when he heard it. He recognised the tell-tale timbre of the knock immediately. He knew exactly who was on the other side of the door without even having to look. He toyed with the idea of ignoring her, but he knew she’d keep knocking. Sighing, he stood from the floor and made his way to the door. He opened it and, sure enough, there on the other side was the one person he both wanted to see and avoid in equal measure.

He tried to ignore the signs of her distress; her dishevelled hair, red eyes, the lines on her face. He knew he was the cause and he hated it.

“Liv, what are you doing here?”

She stepped passed him without an invitation. “We need to talk.”

“There’s nothing left to say. It’s-”

“For you maybe, but I still need to-“ As they rounded the corner into the living area, she stopped short at the sight of all the boxes; some were closed, sealed, and labelled, while others were still half empty. “Y-you’re packing?” Her stomach churned at the thought. Even though he’d told her he was leaving, she hadn’t imagined he’d move out of New York; run off to God knows where. No. She’d thought he’d remain local, at least for his Mum’s sake. “Why?”

Rafael ran his hand through his hair. “Liv, I told you, I’ve got to move on.”

“No! You can’t. You can’t just say… what you did and then leave. I…” she trailed off, the emotions that had been raging inside of her for the past nine days finally becoming too much. Her hand flew to her mouth, as she choked out a sob.

Rafael was at her side instantly. His arms reached for her, just as they had in her office when she broke down over Noah’s kidnapping. Had that really only been two months before? So much had happened since then. It felt like a lifetime ago.

“Hey, hey. Ssh,” he cooed, pulling her into an embrace.

She flung her arms around him and held him tightly as the sobs came. She hadn’t intended to break down like this. She hadn’t wanted him to see how much his decision to leave had affected her. But in the end, it was all too much. She couldn’t hold back her emotions any longer.

She pulled back to look at him, swiping at the tears on her cheeks. “I can’t lose you, Rafa. I can’t. We’re supposed to be squabbling at 85, remember?”

He stroked her hair with a sigh, desperately trying to keep his own tears from falling. “I know. I remember.”

“I understand your reasons for resigning… your need to… move on. I do. But,” she swallowed, gesturing to the boxes that littered his living room, “does that really have to mean leaving?”

“I have to.”

Olivia bit her lip and squeezed her eyes shut to keep further tears at bay.

“For a little while, at least. Without the job… without the expensive suits, the suspenders… I don’t know who I am anymore, Liv.”

“I know who you are. You are a decent man, Rafa. You’re a son, a friend. You’re ‘Uncle Rafa’.”

He smiled at that, it was the first genuine smile Olivia had seen from him in days, but it didn’t last. It quickly turned into a frown.

“After what I did, I’m surprised you’d want me anywhere near Noah.”

“You did what you thought was right. I stand by what I said after the Mariel McLaughlin case. I still have absolute faith in your humanity. What better role model could I want for my son?”

“I kept thinking about him, y’know… Noah. Since the moment you called me with this case. I kept seeing him lying there, feeling nothing but pain. I can barely stand it when he grazes his knee, Liv. To think of him like that…”

Pain flashed across his face and he sank down to the sofa. He dropped his head into his hands and clawed his fingers through his scalp. Olivia didn't miss the noticeable tremor of his fingers as they slid through the silky brown strands. She sat on the coffee table in front of him, watching as his eyes clenched shut.

Minutes passed before he finally raised his head and met Olivia’s inquiring gaze. His eyes were pools of tears, but he refused to let them fall. He reached out and clasped her hand in his, entwining their fingers.

“When I saw what Drew’s condition… his pain was doing to his parents, I couldn’t stop myself from thinking about what it would do to you if Noah was ever in a similar situation.” His words were low and hesitant, Olivia had to lean forward to even hear them. “Seeing how distraught you were when Sheila Porter took Noah, experiencing that with you, I realised the pain that parents go through when their children are suffering. I hated that I couldn’t stop the pain for you and Noah, but I could stop it for Drew and for Maggie and Aaron.”

“Oh Rafa, I’m sorry,” she sighed, giving his hand a gentle squeeze.

His brow furrowed. “Why?”

“You said it yourself earlier; I caused this. I destroyed your black-and-white world.”

He shook his head vehemently. “No. My black-and-white world may have been easy, Liv but it was boring and lonely.” He could feel her eyes boring into him as she hung onto his every word. “You and Noah brought colour, yes, but that’s not a bad thing. You made me feel…alive. You helped me to love.”

Her eyes widened. It had been implied in his words outside the courthouse, but to hear them fall from his lips with such ease and sincerity was something else. Her stomach churned again as butterflies took up residence there, but this time it wasn’t an altogether unpleasant sensation. It was the sweet anticipation of a possible future.

“L-love?”

“Yes, love. I should have said it this afternoon, but I was selfish, I thought if I said it, it’d be harder to leave you, but I was wrong. Nothing could have made walking away from you any harder than it was.”

“So what? You’re telling me you love me, so it’ll make it easier for you to walk away?”

“No! Liv. I’m not walking away… Not for good. I just need to get away for a while. I’m telling you how I feel… so you don’t have to wonder… so you know that I will come back.”

“Can’t you just stay?”

Rafael shook his head. “I wish I could, but I’m not the person you or Noah need right now.”

“Where will you go? I hate the thought of you being alone.”

“Rita has a yacht.”

“Of course she does,” Olivia commented, rolling her eyes.

Rafael's lips twitched into a small smile. “Well, originally it was her ex-husband’s yacht. Naturally she got it in the divorce. It’s moored just outside Miami. She’s offered it to me for as long as I want. It’s quiet and secluded – which is just what I need right now. And I won’t be completely alone. We can still call, text, email. Noah can keep me updated on Eddie the Elephant’s latest shenanigans.”

“He’s getting worse you know – last week he ate all the Girl Scout cookies.”

“Even the Caramel deLites?”

Olivia made a face. “No. Like myself and Noah, Eddie doesn’t like the coconut ones.”

“Why buy them then… oh.” Her pointed look gave her the answer. She bought them for him. For when they worked on case-prep at her place. It had never occurred to him before, that she did things like that, but now he thought about it…She didn’t drink Scotch either, yet there was always a bottle in the cupboard.

“If I’d known you were leaving town, I’d have brought them with me. Something for you to snack on during your flight.”

Rafael shook his head. “Save them for me?”

Olivia nodded. “I will.” Even if she had to freeze them, his box of Caramel deLites would be waiting for him when he returned. Sitting in the cupboard next to the half empty bottle of Maclellan, it would be a testament to his promise and their future.

The fact that he planned on coming back eased some of her apprehension, but she couldn’t help the tear that escaped and ran down her face, at the thought of him leaving, albeit temporarily.

“I don’t know what I’m going to do without you.” The thought of not seeing him every day filled her with a deep, terrible ache.

“You’ll be fine, Liv.” He lifted his hand to her cheek, his thumb wiping away the tears that had fallen. “You’re the strongest woman I know. You’ll get through this. We both will. And, when I’ve sorted my head out, when I’m the person you and Noah deserve, I’ll come back to you Liv, I promise. To both of you.”

 “You’d better, because God help me, Rafa, if you don’t I will hunt you down.”

“And I definitely do not want that,” he chuckled. He’d seen her temper and did not want to be on the receiving end. What he did want was to hold her, to fall asleep next to her and pretend the rest of the world, and the troubles it brought with it, didn’t exist.

“Do you… do you need to get back to Noah soon?”

“No. I told Lucy I had to work. She brought her overnight bag so…”

Their gazes met, and he swallowed nervously. Olivia pushed aside all her fears and worries and leaned into the man sitting in front of her. She allowed herself to be drawn into a kiss that was filled with passion and love. She would lose herself in this. In him. She would allow her mind to be silenced for a moment. She went, willingly, when he stood and drew her back toward his bedroom. They had just this night; they would part come morning. Until that moment arrived, Olivia put everything else aside. She thought of nothing else but the warmth, of the way that her body tingled when he touched her. She thought of nothing but the peace that settled over her when she was held in those arms. Nothing else mattered.

* * *

Morning came too soon. Olivia was lying with her head pillowed on his bicep as the sky outside grew light.

Neither of them had slept much. It was as if, the moment they closed their eyes, their time together would be over. Olivia let out a breath and lifted her head. She rested her chin against her hands and looked up at him. She found him watching her. There wasn't much time left. She needed to get back to Noah and he needed to finish his packing and be on his way. Her teeth scraped against her bottom lip at the thought. It wasn’t an image she liked to entertain.

"We should get up," she whispered, even though she was loath to do it.

He pulled her tighter to him and dropped a kiss to her head. “Not yet.”

Outside the world was growing brighter. Light made its way through the curtains. It cast shadows in the room. Minutes ticked by, far more than either of them wanted to count. Olivia exhaled a quiet breath while her gaze moved over his face. She knew him so well, but still she took this moment to memorize the sight of him. She had seen him in any number of ways, in dozens of moods and locations. It was this that she wanted to take with her, however.

"I love you." Her voice was thick, barely above a whisper, as if by speaking she would cause the bubble that surrounded them to burst.

His fingers pushed her hair back, away from her face and behind her ear. His thumb stroked the curve of her cheek. "I know. I love you too," he told her. Rafael drew his gaze away from her face. It flitted over the clock. They weren’t going to ignore the time for much longer. He looked at her again and his eyes were soft. "I am coming back," he promised.

“I know.” She tipped her face toward him for one more kiss before they left the quiet sanctuary of his bed, and hoped that it was true.

* * *

They walked slowly, hand-in-hand, down to her car, neither wanting to part but knowing it was necessary for him to go away and heal. Olivia leaned back against her driver's side door and looked at him. There wasn't much sunlight this morning. Fog was still hanging heavily in the air. It seemed to fit her mood. Her fingers slid lazily along his as their hands parted.

“Be careful,” he whispered.

“Shouldn’t that be my line?” she tilted her head at him and smiled.

“I'm always careful." He grinned crookedly at her, but usual sparkle was gone from his eyes. “Tell Noah I’ll see him soon, yeah?”

She nodded and reached up and laid her hand against his chest, where his suspenders would normally have been. Her fingers stroked slowly downward. She blinked back tears at the thought that she may have seen him in suspenders for the last time. Not that she didn’t appreciate the casual look, she did; it was very becoming. But he’d worn suspenders for as long as she’d known him; they were as much a part of him as his sharp wit and big brass ego.

“You should go.” Rafael’s voice rumbled quietly in the fog-filled air.

“Let me know when you get to Miami. Just so I know you’re okay.”

“I will. I’ll text you.” He’d offer to call but he knew that wouldn’t be a good idea. He was managing to stay quite upbeat in her presence, but he knew as soon as he was alone, he was going to hit the bottle. He needed to forget. He curled an arm around her waist and drew her toward him. “I’ll call you in a few days, when I’ve sorted my head out…”

She stood there, and when his hands moved to her shoulders, she lifted her head. She tipped it back and smiled up at him. "I should go," she echoed. It was getting harder for her to leave.

She closed the gap between them and kissed him and pressed her lips against his. As he moved backwards, she moved with him. Her hands curled into the front of his t-shirt but the kiss broke when she heard her car door open. Olivia pulled away slowly. Her eyes fluttered open. She stared at him for just a moment before slipping into the car while he held the door for her. She felt the closing of it jolt through her. It was a separation of only a few inches, but it already seemed like the hundreds of miles that separated New York City and Miami.

She looked up at him through the window and pressed the tips of her fingers to her lips. With her other hand, she started the car. She pressed her fingers to the window and then pulled away, slowly. She pulled her gaze away with some degree of difficulty and concentrated on driving. As she pointed the car away from the building, and away from Rafael, she felt the ache in her throat. She breathed slowly, her hands held tightly to the steering wheel. It was not until she was out of sight of his apartment that she let go of a long, shuddering breath and a single tear made its way down her cheek.


	2. Chapter 2

The first few weeks of being apart were hard for both Rafael and Olivia, but in vastly different ways.

Rafael sequestered himself away on the boat and alternated between bouts of anger, sadness and guilt. He barely slept. Every time he closed his eyes he saw baby Drew lying in his crib, the ventilator covering his face. If he did happen to fall asleep, he would wake in a cold sweat, to the sound of his heart monitor flatlining. Rafael had been right when he told Olivia he would not be a good person to be around. He drank, way, way more than he should. He spent the first three days in a drunken stupor. Thank God Rita had the common sense and foresight not to give him the key to the ignition.

On the fourth day, he began his journey towards recovery. Waking up with a monster of a hangover after his three-day binge, he found two messages from Olivia. The first, which his phone informed him had been sent the day before, contained a selfie of her and Noah eating pancakes at his favourite café. It was captioned, ‘ _Wish you were here. We miss you_. x’

The second, sent just that morning, simply read: _‘Happy Valentine’s Day x’._

Rafael looked at the date. February 14. He’d forgotten. He remembered walking around the shops in New York before everything had gone to hell, glancing at the gaudy red and pink displays that adorned the shop windows, wondering if it would be too forward to buy Olivia something. They weren’t together then, their feelings still unspoken, worried that if either of them made a move it would ruin what they had or put their careers in jeopardy. Now though, they had confessed their feelings and the job thing definitely wasn’t an issue anymore, but they were separated by 1200 miles. The irony was not lost on Rafael.

Rafael turned his attention back to the messages. As he stared at the smiling faces of two of the most important people in his life, he came to a decision. After showering and making himself somewhat presentable, he dragged himself into town.

It didn’t take him long to locate a florist; the window was dressed for the holiday, albeit in a slightly less tacky way than those in the city. Not knowing Olivia’s favourite flower, he decided to stick with roses. Simple. Classic. Elegant. But after listening to the sales assistant explain the meaning of the different colours he selected a mixed bouquet – one that encompassed everything he felt about Olivia – and wrote a message for the card.

 _Pink is for gratitude_  
_Yellow is for friendship_  
_White is for trust_  
_Red is for love_

_I know we’re a thousand miles apart, but distance means nothing when someone is worth everything. Happy Valentine’s Day._

_R x_

Satisfied with his choice, he placed the order, paying extra to ensure that the bouquet would arrive today, and left the shop, hoping Olivia would like them.  

Exploring the rest of the town, Rafael passed an old Catholic church. Shading his eyes from the glare of the afternoon sun, he looked up at the old, stone building, the cross on the roof silhouetted against the bright sky. As he stood there, Rafael realised that if he was ever going to make peace with what he’d done, then he needed help from a higher power. He was a lapsed Catholic – only attending Mass at Christmas or Easter, or when his mother made him – but his belief in the sanctity of life was so deeply ingrained in him that he could never let go of it completely.

A quick glance at the sign outside confirmed that the church was open for confession and, if the bilingual notices posted there were anything to go by, it seemed the church had a large Latino congregation. As he stepped inside, Rafael felt like he had been transported back to his childhood.  The dim lights, the stained glass, the smoky smell of the candles, all brought back a thousand memories _long, forgotten_ _._

The seat within the confessional box was anything but comfortable. It was made of hard oak, formed a perfect right angle, and had little cushion in the seat, making it impossible for anyone to feel relaxed. Rafael supposed that was the point; confession wasn’t supposed to be a pleasant experience. With a deep breath, Rafael made the sign of the cross and began the litany his heart demanded.

“Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned,” he whispered, the sound harsh as it passed his lips. “It has been… too many years since my last confession.” He hung his head, somewhat ashamed to admit just how long it had been. He had drifted from the church in college and, much to his mother’s and Abuelita’s disappointment, had never returned.

“The Lord be in your heart and upon your lips that you may truly and humbly confess your sins: In the Name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit. Amen,” a deep accented voice – Cuban if Rafael wasn’t mistaken – replied from the other side of the grate.

Sitting there, in the confessional box, for the first time in over twenty years, Rafael broke down.

“I don’t know if God can forgive me for what I’ve done,” he admitted with a sob. “I certainly don’t know if I can ever forgive myself.”

“The Lord loves you, his Holy Spirit loves you, and he is hurting with you... tell me what is troubling you."

More sobs came as Rafael told the priest the whole, heart-breaking tale and sought forgiveness and absolution. His words came haltingly, unsure of exactly how to explain what had happened or why he had made the decision he had, other than to spare Drew any more pain and suffering. When he finished recounting his confession, he pulled out a worn piece of card from his wallet. The prayer card his Abuelita had presented him with when he made his first ever confession before his first Communion was faded and worn with age, but it still held the same meaning. He’d kept it close to him during college – pinned to the notice board in his Harvard dorm. Every time he caught sight of it, he was reminded of his Abuelita and the love she had for him. It spurred him on to succeed, to make her proud. When he’d got the job with the DA’s office, his mother had bought him a new wallet and the first thing he’d put in it was that prayer card. It had accompanied him everywhere from then on. His first day as a prosecutor, his first big win, and his first devastating loss. The first day he had walked into his office in Hogan Place, it had been there in his inside pocket, close to his heart, and then a few days later, when he’d first met Olivia. He’d carried it with him in his wallet for his Abuelita’s funeral and Requiem Mass. Occasionally, in his grief, he would take it out and stare the message she had written until tear blurred his vision _. “Que siempre sepas la paz de Jesús. Te amo Rafael.”_

It had also been with him in Drew’s hospital room that night. Even though he couldn’t bear to think what his Abuelita would say about what he was going to do, he’s still needed to feel her presence. Her strength. Her faith. He hoped she would try to understand and still love him. He let her memory wash over him as he sat in the dimly-lit booth, his eyes struggling to focus on the printed text, and began to pray for his contrition.

“O my God, I am heartily sorry for having offended you, and I detest all my sins because I dread the loss of heaven and the pains of hell. But most of all because they have offended you, my God who is all good and deserving of all my love. I firmly resolve, with the help of your grace, to confess my sins, to do penance, and to amend my life. Amen.”

After explaining the penance he wanted Rafael to complete – volunteering with terminally ill children – the priest gave him what he was seeking.

“God, the Father of mercies, through the death and resurrection of his Son has reconciled the world to himself and sent the Holy Spirit among us for the forgiveness of sins; through the ministry of the Church may God give you pardon and peace, and I absolve you from your sins in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit.  May the Passion of Our Lord Jesus Christ, the merits of the Blessed Virgin Mary and of all the saints and also whatever good you do or evil you endure because for the remission of your sins, the increase of grace and the reward of life everlasting. Amen.”

As the priest spoke the words of the absolution, Rafael’s heart felt lighter and a sense of peace came over him. He had been absolved by Drew’s mother, who had thanked him for ending her baby boy’s suffering, and by a jury of his peers, who had found him not guilty of murder. His friends had offered him absolution too, although he wasn’t sure Carisi felt 100% comfortable about what he’d done, and of course, Olivia, who’s opinion of him mattered more than anyone else’s. But, while all that had been helpful and much appreciated, it was only now, now that he’d received absolution from a God he wasn’t sure he even fully believed in, did Rafael feel like he was ready to move forward.

That wasn’t the end of his healing journey, though. It was just the beginning. While carrying out his penance, he continued to see the priest regularly for counselling. Not just to talk about Drew and the decisions he had made regarding that case, but about his own childhood and the relationship he’d had with his father, something that was long overdue. They spoke about Olivia too, and Noah, about what Rafael wanted from his future, how he could truly be all that they both needed and deserved.

While Rafael strived to make peace with himself, Olivia was dealing with the reality of life without her best friend. She’d taken a personal day the day after he had left, unable to bring herself to walk back into the precinct knowing that he wouldn’t appear at her office door bearing coffee and snacks. But she knew she had to return – she had a son to support – so she dragged herself in the next day. She answered the squad’s questions as best she could. Had she spoken to him? Yes. Did she know where he was? Yes. Would she tell them? No. Was he okay? She didn’t know. Luckily, they hadn’t caught any major cases, so Olivia had been able to hide away in her office for most of the day before leaving – on-time for once – to cuddle up on the sofa with her son.

She hadn’t realised the next day was Valentine’s Day until she walked in to find a giant stuffed bear clutching a bright red heart sat on Amanda’s desk. Carisi claimed he’d bought it for Jessie but Olivia wasn’t convinced. She toyed with the idea of ringing Rafael but decided against it. He’d asked for time and space to get his head together and she respected him enough to give him that. She couldn’t let the day pass unmarked though, so settled on sending him a short text.

She wasn’t expecting a response, so it was quite a surprise when a delivery boy knocked on her office door later that afternoon holding a rather spectacular bouquet of roses, much to the interest of her squad. Tears filled her eyes as she read Rafael’s heartfelt words. They had been forced to live their lives apart for the moment, but that was only geography. Yes, their hearts yearned for more, but the knowledge that _apart_ did not mean _alone_ provided some semblance of comfort.

Going to work was easier after that first contact from Rafael, although Olivia strategically avoided Hogan Place. The one and only time she visited she was shaken to her core by the sight of Peter Stone sitting in Rafael’s chair like nothing had happened. Maybe it would be easier when Rafael got back, when she could see him every day, but until then she vowed to stay away from the place, sending her detectives instead of her or getting Stone to come to them. Thankfully, Fin was happy to run interference, knowing how hard it was for her. The squad never mentioned Rafael after that first day and neither did she, although she knew they wondered where he was and what had transpired between them. She tried to remain professional, but it was harder than she’d anticipated.

If work didn’t provide enough of a distraction from Rafael, then Noah certainly did. The new softball season was upon them and Noah was training hard. He was determined to make the team. So, between those practices and his swimming lessons, Olivia’s weekends were pretty packed. She continued to try and strike a balance between her responsibilities as a parent and those of the head of SVU.  She managed to carve out an arrangement where she was able to drop Noah at school two days a week and committed to making Friday night, their night. They’d watch a film, or go bowling, sometimes even just stay in and play. But she endeavoured to keep the promise that she had made following the whole Sheila fiasco – she would be there for her son.

She explained Rafael’s absence from their lives by telling Noah that he was taking a long vacation to do some grown-up stuff, but that they could still send him messages and eventually they’d be able to talk to him over the phone or FaceTime while he was away.

The first time he called was about a week and a half after he had left. It was late on a Wednesday evening and Noah was in bed. Seeing his name and photo light up her phone screen made her heart race. She hadn’t heard from him since receiving his flowers and she was beginning to worry.

“Hello. Rafa?”

“Hi, Liv.”

At the sound of his voice, she let out a breath of relief. “Hi. How are you?”

The conversation was stilted at first, neither really knowing what to say. They both had things that they wanted to say, but neither felt like now was the right time. Rafael wanted to make sure he was in a better place before discussing his feelings or their future and Olivia didn’t want to push him or add to his burden by complaining about Peter Stone.

That first night they talked about mundane things; the weather, current events in the news, and she filled him in on the latest goings-on in the world of Noah. They agreed on a standing phone-date, every Wednesday at 9.30pm, and Olivia vowed to always answer, even if she was at work and their conversation had to be brief. She asked if Noah could ring him on a different day, but Rafael was hesitant.

“I don’t know Liv… It isn’t that I don’t want to. I miss him, I do. But I don’t know if…” He didn’t know if talking to Noah, if hearing his sweet, innocent voice was something he was ready for. He was still processing a lot.

“It’s okay Rafa. I understand, and so will Noah.” Her eyes fell on her coffee table and to the crayoned masterpiece that lay on it, the one that Noah had spent a good portion of his afternoon on. “He’s drawn you a picture… can I send it?”

“Of course.” And he gave her the address of the nearest post office, who were keeping his mail for him.

Olivia didn’t find it easy to be apart from him. The evenings they didn’t speak were the worst, when Noah was in bed and the apartment quiet. Nothing to distract her from her thoughts. She wondered what he was doing, how his day had been. Those were the nights when Olivia pulled out the bottle of expensive scotch she kept in her cupboard and poured herself a small measure, downing it before wrapping herself in the dress shirt she’d ‘borrowed’ after their one night together. It had stopped smelling of him after she’d washed it and, missing him more than usual, she’d gone to Macy’s and bought a bottle of his cologne – Terre d’hermes - and spritzed it on the material, once more infusing it with the familiar, comforting scent.

They kept up their weekly phone conversations and, as time went on they found themselves slipping back into their easy friendship. They shared jokes and laughter, advice and confidences. And joy, like when Rita finally sent Rafael the ignition key to the yacht so he could take it out, or when Noah made the softball team. Increasingly, Rafael asked about Noah and told Olivia to pass messages on to him or thank him for his latest drawing. He received at least two a week and was sure the walls of Rita’s yacht had never seen so much colourful decoration.

Then, six weeks after he had left, on Easter Saturday, Rafael’s name flashed up on Olivia’s phone. She glanced at the clock – 6.20pm. Her stomach dropped, worry flooding through her, assuming something bad had happened. She picked up her phone and retreated to her bedroom, so Noah wouldn’t overhear.

“Rafa, what’s wrong?”

“Why would something be wrong?” She could hear the confusion in his voice, but it did nothing to lessen hers.

“It’s Saturday,” she reminded him. “I wasn’t expecting to hear from you today… we normally talk on a Wednesday. I’ve got Noah, so-”

“Is he there? Can I speak to him?”

“Y-you want to talk to Noah?” She couldn’t help the surprise in her voice. The last time she’d suggested it, only three days previously, he’d insisted he wasn’t ready.

“If that’s okay? I know I said I wasn’t ready, but I’ve just seen something really cool that I know he’ll want to hear about. It made me realise just how much I’ve missed him, Liv.”

She shook her head with a smile at the clear excitement in his voice. “Of course it’s okay… hang on. He’s inside his blanket fort,” she told him, as she padded back through to the living room. “Noah, sweetie. Uncle Rafa’s on the phone. You want to say hi?”

It was a futile question and Olivia knew it. Noah scrambled out of his fort and raced across the room, plucking the phone unceremoniously from her hand.

“Hi, Uncle Rafa." He bounded onto the sofa, settling back against the cushions to speak to Rafael.

“Hi.” Hearing Noah’s voice for the first time in almost two months brought him up a little short. He didn’t realise how much he’d missed him. He loved Noah, he was sure of it. Just as much as he loved the boy’s mother. “Are you being good for your Mami?”

“I’m always good,” Noah replied confidently. ”It’s Eddie that’s naughty. He spilled milk at breakfast yesterday.”

“He did?” Rafael suppressed the laugh that threatened to bubble up at Noah’s serious tone.

“Yeah. But it was an accident, so he didn’t have to go to jail this time.”

“I’m sure it was,” Rafael agreed, trying to ward off the images that Noah’s innocent mention of prison had evoked. There but for the grace of God. Changing the subject, he continued. “Hey, your Mami told me you made the softball team. That’s great, amigo.”

“Yeah, I’m playing in-field. It’s our first game next week. Will you come watch me?”

“I can’t come next week, amigo. Sorry.” Rafa replied hesitantly. “But, I will try and come to a game when I get back from my vacation, okay?”

“Okay. Where are you?” Noah asked. When explaining Rafa’s absence to Noah, Olivia had been deliberately vague, not wanting her son to ask any awkward questions. But even a five-year-old knew that vacations didn’t normally last as long as this one. “You’ve been gone a long time.”

“I’m in Florida.”

“At Disneyworld?” Being the only thing he knew about Florida, Disney was Noah’s go-to assumption, even if he did wonder why Uncle Rafa would go there and not take him.

Rafael chuckled at the thought. “No. I’m staying on a boat, which is actually why I was calling. I went sailing this morning and I saw some dolphins.”

“No way!?” Noah exclaimed, sitting up straighter in his seat.

“Yeah, two or three of them swam right up beside the boat. Then they dived underneath and came up the other side.”

“That’s so cool!” he exclaimed.

Rafael chuckled at the boy’s enthusiasm. “I thought you’d like that. Want me to send you a video?” Luckily, he’d had his phone at hand and was able to capture the moment, knowing that Noah – who loved all things animal related and had recently decided he was going to become a vet – would love it. 

“Please!”

“Okay, I’ll email it to your Mami. Can you put her back on?”

“Okay.” He paused. “Uncle Rafa, are you coming home soon? I miss you.”

“I… I miss you too, amigo.” Rafael struggled to keep the tears at bay as Olivia came back on the line. She noticed the tremor in his voice as he greeted her once more.

“You okay?” she asked gently, padding into the kitchen as Noah returned to his blanket fort.

“Noah said… he said he misses me.”

Olivia leant back against the counter. “Of course he misses you, Rafa. We both do.”

“I’m sorry. I miss you both too. I wish I could be there… to be what you both need right now.”

She shook her head even though he couldn’t see her. “You don’t need to apologise Rafa. And you are being what we need; you’re clearing your head so you can come home to us. Don’t worry about Noah, I’ll talk to him. Explain.”

“Maybe… Do you think it would help if I rang more to speak to him… once a week, like we do? Or would that do more harm than good?” He sighed, and Olivia could picture him running his hands through his hair. “Jesus. I’m so out of my depth with him, Liv.”

“You’re not,” she assured him. “You think I know what to do for the best all the time? No parent does.” She bit her lip as the words left her mouth. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to label-”

“It’s okay, Liv. I know that if this…” He trailed off and she heard him exhale deeply. “if we’re going to be together, I want it to be long-term…”

“Me too.”

“Good. I know Noah’s a part of that. I know that somewhere down the line he may look at me as a father.” It was why he’d returned to see Father Garcia. He knew that if he was going to be in Noah’s life, he needed to exorcise some demons from his own childhood. It was a slow, painful process but it was a journey he was more than willing to undertake for a stable, happy future with Olivia and Noah. “And, I’m okay with that.”

Olivia smiled warmly, but before she could respond, Noah’s voice drifted through from the living room. “Momma!” he called from his blanket fort, “let Uncle Rafa go so he can send me the dolphins!”

“Dolphins?” Olivia questioned Rafael.

“I saw some swimming when I was out on the boat this morning. I took a video; I thought he’d like it.”

“He’ll love it. See, you’re already better with him than you think. To quote someone who I think quite highly of, when it comes to Noah ‘you can trust your instincts’.”

“Okay, so I can call him again? Same time next week?”

“Sounds great. Oh, and maybe somewhere in your busy schedule of sailing and dolphin spotting, you could call your mother. She stopped by the precinct yesterday.”

“S-she did?”

“She wanted to know if I’d heard from you. You didn’t tell her where you were going?” There was a hint of disapproval in her tone. Rafael couldn’t blame her really; he knew he hadn’t behaved in the best way, but then again, neither had his mother.

“The last time we spoke, she didn’t seem interested in anything I had to say.” The trial, and his actions that preceded it, had taken their toll on his relationship with his mother. She couldn’t understand why he had done what he had. With her staunch Catholic upbringing and deep faith, she believed that all life was sacred and that only God could end it. “Did you tell her where I was?”

“I didn’t think it was my place. I just told her you were okay.” She leant against the counter. “I know she took it hard, what happened, but she seems to have moved past that now, Rafa. Call her. If for no other reason than to give her some peace of mind.”

Barba sighed. He knew Liv was right, he should call her and put her mind at rest. He made a note to call her, tomorrow. Easter Day. A time for new beginnings. He would speak to Father Garcia after that evening’s Easter Vigil Mass; he felt he may need some spiritual guidance before that phone call.

“Thanks for speaking to her Liv. I hope she wasn’t too overbearing.”

“Not at all. In fact, she invited me to lunch next Thursday,” she told him with a smirk. “So, you’d better call her, because I’ll know if you don’t.”

Rafael raised his eyebrows, unsure how he felt about Olivia and his mother having lunch together without him there to keep an eye on proceedings. “I will. I promise.”


	3. Chapter 3

The phone calls became the highlight of the week for Rafael, Olivia and Noah. They would count down the days and hours until they occurred. In between times, they would exchange the occasional text message or photo. Noah would mail Rafael drawings and he would write back, both to Noah and Olivia. She had been right, beneath the expensive suits and ambitious attitude, lay quite the romantic and hand-written notes were a sign of that.

Three weeks after Easter, their FaceTime calls began. The first time Olivia laid eyes on Rafael since he left – his smiling face filing her iPad screen – she almost laughed. He couldn’t have looked more different from his professional ADA persona. His skin was darker – a product of the Florida sun, he’d let his hair grow out a little and he was sporting some cute, boyish scruff on his cheeks and chin. The tipping point for Olivia though, was the beanie hat he wore. God, he looked 10 years younger than the morning she’d driven away from him.

“Nice hat,” she grinned.

“Thanks.” He flashed her a lopsided smirk. It was a look she’d missed. She didn’t think she’d ever been as grateful for an app as she was for FaceTime at that moment.

“You look… good.” Olivia bit her lip, feeling the heat rising in her cheeks.

Rafael smiled. “What can I say? Unemployment agrees with me.”

“Clearly.”

He looked at her warmly. “You look good too, Liv.”

“Ha!” she scoffed, glancing down at her sweatpants & hoodie combo. It had been a busy few days solving a difficult case and all she'd wanted when she got in was to change into something more comfortable than her work clothes. “If I’d known you were going to FaceTime tonight I’d have made more of an effort.”

“You don’t need to do that for me. You could wear a trash bag and I’d still think you were the most beautiful woman I’d ever seen. It’s you,” he added, warmth filling his gaze, “not the clothes.”

Olivia’s blushed deepened, and she shook her head lightly. “Thank you. So, to what do I owe the pleasure of your company this evening?”

“I wanted to talk to you. See you. I couldn’t wait until Wednesday,” he added a little bashfully. “I haven’t disturbed you, have I?”

She shook her head. “Not at all. Noah’s in bed and I was just about to start my next Netflix binge, but I’d much rather talk to you.”

He smiled at that. "Good. So, how was your day?"

"Busy. We caught a... difficult case over the weekend and..." She trailed off, not wanting to burden him. "Sorry, you don't want to listen to me go on about work."

He tilted his head and flashed the half-smile he kept reserved for her. "I've told you before, I'll talk to you about whatever you want to talk about."

"I just don't want to bring back memories for you if you're still..." she searched for the right word, "healing."

"I know, but your work is important to you Liv.” It was one of the reasons he loved her; her drive and passion to help the victims. “What kind of a boyfriend would I be if I didn't listen to you when you need to talk about it?"

She chuckled lightly at his description of their relationship. "Boyfriend?"

"That does sound pretty high school, doesn't it?”

She shrugged. "Maybe a little. I kinda like it though."

"Yeah,” he replied softly, “So do I. You were telling me about the case?"

"A senator's daughter was raped at a party. You can imagine the heat that I'm getting from 1PP." He nodded. "So, they're piling on the pressure and Sto..."

"You can say his name, Liv. It's okay.” Rafael appreciated her efforts not to rub his successor in his face, but it wasn’t practical. She worked with someone else now, and if he was going to be a part of her life then he needed to get used to that. When he eventually returned to New York it’s liable that their paths would cross. He’d better get used to it.

"Stone was being... difficult, to say the least."

"You should give him a chance. He's a good prosecutor." Not only had Rafael been on the receiving end of one of Stone’s cross-examinations but he’d googled him. His reputation preceded him.

"He's an ass!”

Rafael laughed. “I bet you said that about me when I started.”

A smirk formed on her lips. “’Pompous ass’, actually.”

He arched an eyebrow. “Charming.”

“It was only for a few weeks,” she defended. “Besides, you’re missing the point. Even way back then, I knew we’d find a way to work together. With Stone… I just don’t see it happening. Ever.”

“It will, in time. Maybe you could cut him a little bit of slack though. You know, learning the ropes of a new job, new city, working with new people, it can be tough.”

Something in his tone caught her attention. “That sounds like the voice of recent experience?”

Rafael took a deep breath. This was the reason he’d chosen to FaceTime Olivia tonight instead of just calling. This was a conversation they needed to have face to face.

“I’ve been doing some consulting for the Archdiocese here. They have a branch of the Catholic Charities Legal Service, but they’re short staffed, so Father Garcia asked me to help out with an immigration case.” He hadn’t been looking for work; hadn’t needed to – the smart investments he’d made over the years were enough to cover him for at least six months – but he hadn’t had anything better to do so he’d agreed.

“In the end, it was pretty straightforward, but I must have impressed them because… they’ve offered me a job.”

Olivia drew in a breath and let it out slowly. “A j-job? In Miami?” Her stomach churned at the thought of him settling down there, over a thousand miles away.

“Part-time. Three days a week for four months, just to cover their staffing problem. I haven’t accepted,” he added hastily. “I wanted to talk to you first…” He bit his lip, nervous of her reaction.

“What do you want to do?” She was pleased that he’d wanted to discuss it with her before he made a decision. It showed that he still considered them a couple even though they were living so far apart.

“I don’t know. Immigration law was never something I was particularly interested in; it was never going to help me climb the ladder, get me the top job but working this case… You hear a lot of stories down here and they remind me so much of my Grandparents’ own story. Their fight for a better life. My Abuelita always talked about how difficult it was getting out of Cuba and to America; how they’d never have been able to do it without help. If I take the job, maybe I can help some people like them…” he shrugged.

“It sounds to me like you _do_ know what you want,” Liv said with a sad smile.

She understood his reasons and she couldn’t fault them. He was a great lawyer and he could help people, she knew that. It would be selfish of her to try and prevent that. Especially as Rafael credited her with being the one who made him see all the injustice in the world in the first place. No, she would push aside her own wants and fears for the sake of the people he could help. Plus, getting back into the world of work, might help Rafael too; he might be able to work out what direction his career was going in.

Rafael sighed. She was right. He did want to take the job. It would give him some purpose and direction. There was only so much time one could spend lazing on the deck of a boat. “Sometimes I think you know me better than I know myself.”

They shared a smile. “Take the job, Rafa. It’ll be good for you.”

“You sure?”

She nodded. “I love you Rafa, and that means wanting you to be happy. If this is what you want, then you need to do it. Besides, it’s only four months, right?”

“It is. I love you too, by the way.”

“I know.”

They hadn’t said those three little words since the morning they parted, neither wanting to pressure the other. But now, on the cusp of one of them an important decision that could affect the future of their relationship, it seemed fitting that they were exchanged. That they both knew how the other felt and that they were in this relationship, no matter where it took them.

* * *

A few evenings after their first FaceTime call, Olivia was clearing away the dinner dishes when a knock at the door drew her attention. She wasn’t expecting any visitors, and, for a fleeting moment, she thought it might be Rafael. Until she remembered that he was currently engaged in a FaceTime conversation with Noah. He’d gotten full marks on his spelling test and wanted to tell Uncle Rafa all about it. She glanced back into her son’s room to see him grinning at the iPad, before heading to the door.

Glancing through the peep-hole she felt her irritation rising. Was it not enough that Stone had been in and out of her office all day with questions? Now the man was at her door too. She understood that he was trying to get up to speed on the cases that were coming to trial but turning up at her apartment unannounced was pushing it.  

She flipped the locks and opened the door. “Counsellor,” she greeted coolly. “What can I do for you?”

Without invitation, Stone crossed her threshold and strolled into her living room. Olivia looked on, aghast, as he took a seat on her couch. She couldn’t believe the audacity of the man.

“I need to speak to you about the Potter case.” He opened the file and began to read. “The victim claims that she-”

Stone was cut off by Noah re-entering the room, iPad in hand. “Momma, Uncle Rafa wants to- Oh.” He looked from his mom to the stranger and realised he’d interrupted. “Sorry.”

“It’s okay sweet boy. Noah, this is Mr Stone. He works with me. Can you say hello?”

“Hello, Mr Stone.” Noah barely gave the man a second glance before holding out the iPad. “Uncle Rafa wants to talk to you.”

Olivia lifted the iPad so she could see Rafael’s face. “Hi,” she greeted with a smile.

“Hi.” He stared at her, his eyes dark, and her heart dropped. She knew he’d heard her mention Stone to Noah and he was clearly annoyed at the presence of his successor.

“Can I call you back?” she asked, glancing at Stone from the corner of her eye. He was watching her intently, sizing up the content of her conversation with his predecessor. “I’m just in the middle of something.”

“Sure.” Rafael’s tone was flat and offhand and he wouldn’t look directly into the camera.

Olivia tried to act normally, conscious of both Noah and Stone’s presence in the room. “Right, well I’ll just deal with…” she waved her hand, “this, put Noah to bed and then I’ll call you.”

“It’s okay. No rush,” he replied, noncommittedly.

She hung up with Rafael and handed the iPad back to Noah, who took up residence with it on the opposite end of the sofa to Stone and opened up YouTube.

“I didn’t realise you were still in contact with Mr Barba,” Stone remarked, looking up at her.

“Is that a problem?” she asked.

“No. No. So, like I was saying, the victim claims to have been raped in the hallway but-“

Olivia held up her hand, stopping Stone in his tracks. “Noah, sweetie, go and get into your pyjamas please.” He tore himself away from the iPad and padded off down the hall. Hearing his bedroom door close behind him, she turned back to Stone. “We will talk about this in my office, tomorrow,” she told him firmly, as she moved towards the front door. Stone stood and followed slowly. “I do not appreciate being disturbed, at home, when I’m with my son.

“Oh. It’s just I heard you and Mr Barba used to work here in the evenings, I didn’t realise...”

Olivia turned, her hand resting on the doorknob. “He and I worked together for six years. He was a friend. He earned the right to come into my home and talk about work.” Fire flashed in her eyes. “And he _never_ spoke about cases in front Noah. My son is five years old, counsellor. He doesn’t need to hear about the evils of the world that we see every day.” She opened the front door. “Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have things to do.”

“I’m sorry. I will not bother you at home again. Goodnight Lieutenant. Give my regards to Mr Barba.”

“Goodnight.” She closed the door loudly behind him, snapping the lock into place with a satisfying click.

* * *

With Stone gone and Noah in bed, Olivia turned her attention to Barba. Sensing that it could be a difficult conversation, she poured herself a large glass of wine and sat down on the sofa. She curled her legs underneath her as she opened her FaceTime call history. There he was, smiling at her. The picture she’d selected as his contact photo had been taken at Forlini’s. The original shot had been of them both, but she’d cropped down to focus in on Rafael. It was Carisi’s birthday celebration and they were both laughing at the detective’s drunken karaoke attempt. She didn’t remember the photo being taken, but Fin had forwarded it to her the next day. She was glad she had it; any mementoes of their time together were cherished during his absence.

Taking a deep breath, she pressed the ‘call’ button. It took him a while to pick up and, at one point, Olivia wondered if he was going to answer at all.

But answer he did, although it wasn’t the most enthusiastic greeting Olivia had ever received. “Hey.” He was sat at a table, leaning on his elbows, his laptop open in front of him.

“Hi. You okay?” she asked gently.

“Fine.”

“You don’t seem it. In fact, you seem a little angry.”

“Why would I be angry?” He lifted a tumbler of scotch from off camera and took a swig.

She took a sip of her wine. “I don’t know. But it’s clear that you are. That you were before too. Is this about Stone?”

Rafael shrugged. He didn’t want to get into this. He didn’t even know why he was angry, but seeing Stone sat there in her apartment as Noah passed her iPad had set him off. He knew, deep down, that he was being unreasonable, but he couldn’t help it.

“What’s the problem Rafa?” she asked. “Not three days ago you were encouraging me to give Stone a chance and now what, you’ve changed your mind?”

Rafael let out a defeated sigh. “I just didn’t expect to see him sitting on your sofa, that’s all. I thought…”

“What?” she pressed softly.

“I thought late night case-prep at your place was our thing.”

“It is…was,” Olivia corrected herself quickly. “Stone turned up uninvited and unannounced. He was here for five minutes tops before I threw him out.”

“Not because of me, I hope?” Although part of him did want that to be the case.

“No, because he talked about a case in front of Noah. You know how I feel about that.”

Rafael rolled his eyes and muttered, “Idiot,” under his breath.

“I told you he was an ass,” Olivia reminded him, lifting her glass to her mouth once more.

“I didn’t think it would be this hard,” Rafael admitted. “I was okay talking about you working with… him, because that’s all it was, talk. It was an abstract concept. But actually seeing it… it just threw me, I guess.”

“I understand,” she assured him. She remembered feeling a similar way after hearing that stories about Elliot’s time working with Dani Beck while she was out on an undercover assignment and again when his old partner Jo Marlowe surfaced. “But as you pointed out, I do have to work with him.”

“I know. I’m sorry. I’ll try to do better.”

“I’ve made it clear to him that I don’t want to discuss work at home, so hopefully it won’t be an issue anymore.”

“I suppose it just brought back the reality of the situation; I’m never going to sit on your couch again going over witness statements or M.E. reports.”

As much as Rafael had loved his job, he’d often resented the fact that their time together outside the office was mostly work-related. Now though, he’d give anything to be in that position again. But he couldn’t go back to that life. Even if he was accepted back by his peers, his moral compass was still off. To enforce the law as an ADA, you had to see the world as black and white. There was no room for even the slightest shades of grey, let alone the bright spectrum of colours he’d started viewing it with.

“No, you’re not,” Olivia agreed with a sad smile. “But, one day, you _will_ sit on this couch again. Instead of reading witness testimony, we’ll read Noah’s report cards. Instead of debating the merits of taking a case to trial we’ll debate what college he’s going to go to. We won’t be squabbling over whether or not we have enough evidence for a warrant, but we will still be squabbling at 85. You promised.”

“Yeah, I did, didn’t I?”

“Yeah, you did. I know it’ll be a different life, but I think we can make it work.”

“It sounds… perfect, Liv. And we will make it work,” he promised. He downed the rest of his scotch. “I thought I was getting there with my… recovery but I guess tonight has shown that I’ve still got a bit of a way to go.”

“You’re going to get through this,” Olivia told him, mirroring the words he’d said to her four months ago. He’d sat not a foot from where she currently sat and, with a comforting hand on her shoulder, had assured her that Noah’s nightmares and requests to see Sheila would pass, and things would return to normal. And he was right, they had. In fact, they were better than normal. Until their last case together. Now it was Rafael’s turn to feel mixed up and unsure, and Olivia’s chance to return the favour of comforting and reassuring him.

“Yeah?” he asked, scepticism lacing his voice. 

“Yeah. And when you do, my couch and I will be waiting.”

He chuckled.

“And you never know… maybe my couch will be the scene of something other than reading and squabbling…” She raised her eyebrows suggestively.

Rafael perked up at that. “Really? Tell me more…”


	4. Chapter 4

In the days and weeks that followed, Olivia and Rafael began talking over the phone or FaceTime almost daily, with several text messages exchanged in between times. They continued to share stories from their respective job – although Olivia was always more reticent and tried not to mention Stone too much. They spoke about Noah and Lucia as well as the mutual friends they shared. There was time as well for sharing stories from their past – they bonded over their difficult childhoods; something that they’d only skated over with each other before – and sharing their hopes and fears.

They became closer than ever, despite the distance between them. A distance which didn’t stop Rafael from surprising her on Mother’s Day.

Noah woke her at just after seven-thirty, bounding into her room with a card that he had made at school.

“Happy Mother’s Day,” he declared, clambering up beside her on the bed. He held the card out proudly.

Olivia took it for him and admired it. A hand-print flower adorned the front and Noah had printed ‘Happy Mother’s Day’ across the top. Opening it she found a poem:

 _Sometimes you get discouraged_  
 _Because I am so small_  
 _And always leave my fingerprints_  
 _On furniture and walls._  
  
_But every day I'm growing -_  
 _I'll be grown someday_  
 _And all those tiny handprints_  
 _Will surely fade away._  
  
_So here's a little handprint_  
 _Just so you can recall_  
 _Exactly how my fingers looked_  
 _When I was very small._

and Noah’s familiar signature at the bottom.

“Thank you, sweet boy. I love it,” she told him with a hug.

Noah beamed.

Olivia pulled back the covers. “Do you want to get in and watch some cartoons for a bit?” It was their ritual on the Sundays when they didn’t meet Lucia for brunch.

Noah shook his head. “We can’t. We have plans.”

“Sweetie, we’re not meeting Lucia today,” Olivia explained, assuming that’s what Noah was thinking. Olivia had offered – thinking that she may find the day hard without Rafael – but the older woman had politely refused, stating that she already had plans.

Before Noah could respond, there was a knock at the door. Olivia raised an eyebrow at Noah, but he just shrugged innocently. A little too innocently.

Olivia threw on her robe and padded through the apartment to the front door, Noah following behind. Opening it she was surprised to find holding a large arrangement of flowers.

“Olivia Benson?” the messenger asked.

She nodded and took the bouquet from him with thanks. Setting the flowers down on the coffee table, she sat on the couch to admire them. Now able to get a closer look, Olivia realised that they weren’t just flowers. Inside the cellophane wrap were a bunch of flowers, a box of chocolates, and a small teddy bear holding a heart that declared ‘World’s Best Mom’.

“Happy Mother’s Day.” She turned at the sound of Rafael’s voice, to find Noah holding up her iPad. While she had been busy with the delivery, her son had called him on FaceTime.

“Rafa!” She reached for the iPad. “Am I to assume that you have something to do with this?”

He shrugged and flashed her a smile. “Maybe.”

Olivia returned his smile. That explained her son’s rather furtive behaviour the last few times that Rafael had called. He would take the phone or iPad into his room claiming that he needed to talk to Uncle Rafa in private. She was beginning to wonder what was going on, but now it seemed that she needn’t have worried.

“Open the card, Momma!” Noah implored, flopping down next to her. “Open the card.”

Handing the iPad back to her son, she opened the card to find a note:

_Brunch. 10am. Forde’s Diner._

_Enjoy. You deserve it._

_Love Noah (and Rafa) x_

“Choose whatever you like. I’ve already arranged to have the check charged to my credit card,” Rafael told her.

“Thank you,” Olivia whispered, hugging Noah to her side and dropping a kiss on his curls. “Both of you.” She sent Noah off to get changed before turning her attention back to Rafael. “You didn’t have to do this.”

“I did,” he replied firmly. “If I was there with you, I would have helped Noah make you breakfast in bed. But, just because I’m in a bit of a mess right now, doesn’t mean your Mother’s Day should suffer. You deserve to relax today. You’re the best Mom I know, Liv, next to my own.”

She smiled at him warmly. He might still think he was in a mess, but he definitely appeared to be doing better. His job seemed to be helping; she suspected it allowed him to feel useful again. But now was not the time for that conversation. “Speaking of your Mom, have you called her today?”

“No, but there’s a similar bunch of flowers on their way to her and I will call her later.”

“I offered to have brunch with her today, but she said she had plans.”

“I know, she told me. The church is cooking a meal for people who find Mother’s Day difficult. She’s helping out.”

“She’s a good woman.”

“That she is. Now, you should go and get ready. You don’t want to keep your brunch date waiting. I hear he can get terribly grumpy if he doesn’t get his blueberry pancakes on time.”

Olivia laughed – Rafael certainly knew her son – before hanging up and readying herself for her impromptu brunch.

She and Noah had a wonderful day; after brunch, they went to the park and then to the movies. As she hugged her son goodnight and thanked him again for the presents, she wished she could do the same to Rafael.

She missed him and was desperate to see him. FaceTime calls and the occasional surprise were good, she wouldn’t deny that, but it had been almost three months since she had seen him in person. She needed the physical closeness that mirrored the emotional connection they had been building. And she was sure he needed it too.

Occasionally, during their conversations, Rafael had made vague references to her visiting him in Miami. Phrases like ‘When you come down, we’ll have to…’ and ‘There’s this restaurant that you’ll love, it serves the best...’ had slipped into conversation several times but they’d never discussed it outright.

So, she made a decision. It was her turn to surprise him. She was going to fly down to Miami.

She’d been considering it for a couple of days when Rita Calhoun gave her the final push that she needed. The lawyer pulled her aside after court one day and handed her a slip of paper. Olivia unfolded it to find it contained the address of the marina where her boat was moored.

“Go to him,” was all she said, before walking away and leaving Olivia stood staring at the stark black writing. Rita knew she was possibly overstepping her bounds of friendship, but she was worried about Rafael – he’d been away too long. She wanted him home and happy, and believed that Olivia was the person who could make that happen.

It took Olivia less than a day to make the decision. She would go and visit him the following weekend. It was the perfect time. Lucy was free to have Noah, no-one else in the squad had booked leave and it was Rafael’s birthday on the Saturday. Olivia might even venture so far as to call it fate if she believed in such things.

Booking last minute flights was a little bit more expensive than she would have liked, but she tempered the cost by choosing to leave in the early hours of Friday morning. That way, she could put Noah to bed before heading to the airport. She would return on the following Monday – picking another early flight which meant she would be back in time to pick Noah up from school. She and Rafael would have three whole days together. She couldn’t bear to be away from her son for much longer than that.

If this first trip was a success, maybe next time Noah could come with her, she thought as her cab from the airport pulled up at the marina. When she’d told her son that she was going to visit Rafael, he’d pouted for a good few hours. She’d placated him with promises of lots of FaceTime conversations with her and Uncle Rafa and a trip to the zoo and The Sugar Factory with Lucy, but part of her still felt guilty about leaving her little boy behind.

Slipping her sunglasses on, Olivia stepped out of the cab. The sun was bright, but the early hour meant there was still a coolness in the air. She quickly located the slip where Rita had told her that her yacht was moored and began to walk down the palm-tree lined path. Toward him.

Rafael was leaning against the railing of the boat, coffee in hand, looking out towards the horizon. He took several deep breaths of the sea air. It was a ritual he’d taken to performing every day; the beauty of this place providing him with a calm, tranquil start to the day. It was a stark contrast to how he’d spent his mornings for the past twenty-one years.

A lot of things were different now. His clothes for one. Gone were the three-piece suits and the suspenders. There was no need for them now. He had been advised not to wear suits for his work with the legal firm. Suits were a sign of authority; something that the clients he saw could be wary of. He just had one suit with him, in case a court appearance was needed. The rest were in storage in New York. Instead of buying new ties to add to his collection, he was now purchasing shorts and t-shirts, jeans, polo shirts and sweaters. He even found himself wearing a beanie hat when on the boat! He’d kept the colourful socks though. The children in the hospital where he was serving his penance were always excited to see which wacky design he had chosen to wear for his visit; it was a source of great amusement for some of them.

The sound of footsteps approaching reached his ears, but he didn’t pay them much attention, despite the early hour. People came and went at all times here, himself included. He was often up early – that was one thing that hadn’t changed. Managing for years on only a few hours sleep each night due to working on briefs and motions was a hard habit to break, and there were always a few people milling about as the sun rose. Some coming home after a night out, others just getting up and heading to the onsite gym or pool to start their day. People would nod to him as they passed, but he didn’t really know any of them. Everyone seemed to like their privacy and kept themselves to themselves.

It was only when he heard his name, that finally looked around.

“Rafa.”

He blinked trying to establish whether he was hallucinating, but he wasn’t. She was here. Olivia was here. Standing on the jetty, a few feet from him. A smile spread across his face as it dawned on him. He’d wondered if she was ever going to pick up on his subtle hints in their phone conversations about planning a visit, but he’d never expected her to show up, unannounced out of the blue. Not that he was complaining. Placing his cup down on the side of the boat, he moved to the stern to greet her.

“Liv? W-what are you doing here?”

She smiled up at him, pushing her sunglasses up into her hair. “Well, I couldn’t let you spend your birthday alone, now could I?”

Olivia could see the cogs whirring. “Oh, right yeah.” He scoffed at his slowness. “Y’know, I’d actually forgotten. There’s not really been much need for me to keep track of dates recently.” As long as he knew what day of the week it was, so he knew if he needed to be in the office or not, he managed just fine.

Olivia scoffed. “Nothing new there then!” At his look, she continued, “Oh, come on, we both know Carmen was the organised one.”

He shrugged. “Well, you know what they say… behind every great A…” he faltered over his previous title, “…lawyer is a phenomenal assistant.”

Seeing the pain that the memories were causing, Olivia placed her foot on the side of the boat. “Permission to come aboard, captain?” she asked with a salute.

Rafael laughed but held out his hand and helped her onto the boat. She dropped her overnight bag to the deck as he pulled her close into his arms, holding her tight. There were no words to express their relief at being reunited, at being able to touch, feel, and hold each other.

They separated so they could look at each other, tearful brown eyes meeting watery green. Time stopped. In slow motion, Rafael cradled her cheeks and lowered his lips to hers. The first contact was chaste, both nervous from the anticipation. After a few gentle kisses, the passion increased. Her lips opened against his; their tongues teasing and caressing. Their hands weren't idle either, his tunnelling in her hair and hers caressing his back. Their bodies were vibrating; they couldn't get enough of each other.

Olivia pulled away from the kiss, breathing heavily. “This boat has a bedroom, right?” She pulled him close and pressed her hips against his.

Rafael stole another kiss. “Mmm-hmm. Two actually. And they’re called cabins.” He tugged on her hand to lead her, but she stood firm.

“Wait.”

He stopped cold – another hangover from his time working sex crimes, when someone asked you to stop, you stopped.

Olivia understood and smiled at his consideration. “No, it’s not that. I have a condition.”

“Which is?” At this point, he’d agreed to anything she wanted.

She reached up and snatched the red beanie off his head. “This has got to go.”

Rafael took it from her and tossed it over his shoulder, into the sea. “Happy now?”

She nodded, as she closed the gap between them once more. “Definitely.”

* * *

Later, with their need for each other sated, they lay wrapped in each other’s arms, relishing in the fact that they were together again for the first time in three months.

“Liv?”

“Hmm?”

“How long are you staying?” Rafael asked. He hadn’t thought to ask before, too distracted by the fact that she was actually here.

She shifted in his embrace, curling herself tighter into him. She’d missed him. Missed the familiar scent of his cologne, the way he smiled at her, even the sound of his voice – it wasn’t the same over the phone. She’d missed it all, but for the next few days, it was hers to enjoy, hers to hold onto.

“I’m booked on the red-eye on Monday morning.” When he pouted, she kissed the corner of his mouth. “We’ll make the best of it,” she promised him. It wasn’t long enough. But then, no length of time would be.

Rafael reached up and cupped the tip of her chin. His thumb traced the line of her bottom lip. “I know," he rumbled quietly. He didn't want to think about tomorrow or the day after. He didn't want to think about how much or how little time they had together. He only wanted to enjoy it while they could. Rafael drew her down into a soft kiss. He busied himself with the feel and the taste of her. It kept him from voicing the thought that was foremost on his mind. It stopped him from asking her to stay forever.

* * *

That afternoon, at Olivia’s insistence, they took the boat out to sea, sailing out into the Atlantic and following the coast down to Key Largo. Olivia marvelled at the scenery; the white, sandy beaches stretching for miles lined with large, lush palm trees.

If someone had told Rafael a year ago that he’d be spending the weekend of his birthday with Olivia, on a boat, in the middle of the ocean, with nothing but the waves around them and the warmth of the sun beating down on them, he’d have laughed them out of the courtroom. But here he was.

“Can we stop for a swim?” Olivia asked.

“I don’t see why not,” Rafael replied and steered the boat in the direction of a small, isolated cove he’d found on a previous outing.

She watched him as he stood at the helm, controlling the boat. She admired the well-defined muscles of his legs and arms. He was wearing shorts and a t-shirt, both of which showed off his figure nicely. His shoulders were broad and strong, and his buttocks firm. She felt the heat rise inside her as her eyes continued their exploration. They may have already had sex once since her arrival less than eight hours ago, but there’s no denying that she wanted him again.

They reached their destination to find it deserted and Rafael dropped anchor as near to the shore as he could. While he was doing that, Olivia stripped down to her swimsuit. She deliberately waited until Rafael’s back was turned as she was still a little conscious of her scars. “Come on,” he heard her say, turning just in time to hear the splash as she dove off the edge, into the sea. When she surfaced she called up to him, “Can you bring a towel, please?”

Rafael quickly slipped off his shirt and, grabbing a towel, lowered himself carefully into the water so as not to get it wet. Slowly he closed the distance between them, swimming with one arm, the other holding the towel up out of the water. Olivia was floating on her back near the beach and, upon hearing him approach, lifted her head to look at him. With a smile, she kicked off to the shore. Rafael reached the shallower water just as Olivia stood up and walked onto the beach and he found himself transfixed. He was unable to breathe as he stared at her, water dripping off her voluptuous figure.

Without conscious thought, he walked out of the water and stood next to her, unabashedly staring. His eyes raked up her body. He noticed her scars but paid them no mind. They weren’t a shock to him. He’d seen the evidence photos. He’d studied them. For weeks before and after the trial, he’d seen them every time he’d closed his eyes. Had nightmares about the torture Lewis had put her through.

Olivia smiled bashfully as she took the towel from his hands. Rafael was mesmerised by her body’s graceful movements as she turned and took a few steps back up the sandy beach and lay the towel out on the ground. Walking back towards him, she extended her arm and took his hand. She led him back to the towel and pulled him down with her, capturing his mouth in a steamy kiss.

“You are so beautiful,” he murmured against her lips, before kissing her once more. Olivia pulled him atop her and he settled between her legs. As their crotches brushed, she pushed up into them and breathed out a seductive moan. Her hands found the waistband of his shorts and she tried to push them down.

Rafael rolled off her, staring at her, aghast. “We can’t! Someone might see.”

“There’s no one around,” she countered. She hadn’t intended to seduce him on the beach – she really had wanted a swim, but her desire for him had overtaken that craving. “Please?” she pouted, running a finger slowly up his thigh and over the bulge in his shorts. “I want you, Rafa. Make love to me?”

With a groan, Rafael capitulated and pulled her to him and rolled her atop him. His hands reached for the straps of her suit, sliding them down over her shoulders as she peppered his neck with kisses.

* * *

Their desires sated once more, they returned to the boat and lazed on the deck, exchanging kisses and catching up. Just enjoying being together.

“We should probably head back soon,” Rafael said reluctantly as he noticed the sun beginning to set.

“Is it dangerous to sail in the dark?” Olivia asked.

“Not necessarily; not if the weather stays calm.” He wouldn’t like to try it in rougher conditions. Before this, he hadn’t sailed in a few years. He’d learnt from Rita’s ex-husband – well, he was her fiancé at the time – during their summer vacation from Harvard. He’d picked it up quickly and after that, he had a standing invitation to use their yacht whenever he liked. When Rita left the DA’s office to go into private practice, the frequency of his trips had decreased. When he’d first taken it out back at the end of March, he’d been a bit rusty, but it had quickly come back to him. He’d been taking the boat out most days, venturing further each time, his confidence returning with each trip.

“Why?” he asked her.

“I just thought it would be nice to watch the sunset from here.”

“We can do that,” he agreed, unable to deny her request. Truthfully, he quite liked the idea of watching the sunset with Olivia wrapped in his arms.

She sat between his legs and he held her close as the watched the sunset on the horizon.  

“It’s beautiful,” Olivia whispered, as the sky was filled with hues of orange, pink and red. Silhouettes of birds flew home across a sky that was now magenta, and the sun was half into the water, but its reflection in the sea made it look complete.

“It is,” Rafael replied. But he wasn’t looking at the sunset. He was gazing at her.

When the sky had darkened, and the stars appeared like a dusting of sugar over black marble, Rafael leant down and whispered in her ear.

“Do you want to dock in the nearest port for dinner?”

"I’m happy to eat here," she replied with a smile. "If there’s any food left?"

"There are still some things in the fridge."

Olivia nodded and stood, going down below deck. In the galley, she opened the fridge door and pulled out all the contents. There wasn’t much, but they could make do. Rafael followed her down, and they threw together a salad and an omelette, which they ate in companionable silence with their eyes locked together.

When Olivia swallowed her last mouthful, she reached behind her to open the fridge once more. Turning back, she had a can of whipped cream in her hand. Smiling, she said, "I'm ready for dessert now."

Rafael chuckled, stood and pulled her toward him. He murmured, "My turn first," before taking the can from her hand and leading her to their cabin.

* * *

Their time together passed far quicker than either of them would have liked but they would cherish the memories they had made. Sailing along the crystal blue waters, moonlit walks along the sandy beach, exploring the historical district, sharing meals at several of Rafael’s favourite Miami restaurants, and of course, the physical intimacy they shared. They would hold on to these moments and they would carry them through until could be together again.

“We’ll arrange another trip soon,” Olivia promised Rafael, as they walked, hand in hand through the airport. “We won’t leave it too long.”

Rafael nodded as they stopped at the security gate. “Maybe you could bring Noah?” he suggested. He’d loved being alone with Olivia this weekend but part of him had missed the little boy who, along with his mother, had weaselled his way into his heart.

“He’d love that,” Olivia agreed. “Maybe we could come down once school is out for summer?” The job he had taken would mean he’d still be in Miami at the beginning of Noah’s summer break, so it seemed like the perfect opportunity.

Rafael nodded. “Sounds perfect.”

“I will check the holiday calendar when I get back into the office and email you some dates.”

Olivia leaned into him and he wrapped his strong arms around her. They stood amid the throngs of people milling through the terminal, locked in a sombre embrace until the gate for Olivia’s flight was announced. Pulling away, Rafael looked at the new watch that adorned his wrist – his birthday present from Olivia and Noah.

“You’d better get going or they’re going to take off without you.”

“If I didn’t have Noah, I might just let them.” She didn't want to leave. Yet as much as there was to hold her in Miami, there was even more calling her home.

“You wouldn’t hear any complaints from me,” he agreed. “But, you do have Noah and he needs his Mom.”

It was on the tip of Olivia’s tongue to say he needed his Uncle Rafa too, that they both did, but she refrained. She didn’t want to spoil what had been a wonderful weekend by letting her selfishness seep through. Instead, she lifted his hand and held it against her cheek. Turning her face into it, she allowed her lips to brush his palm. “I’ll miss you.”

“Me too. Call me, when you get home?”

“I will.”

Rafael pressed a gentle kiss to her forehead, his hand cupping the back of her head. Olivia felt a slight sense of déjà vu, but this moment was different to the one outside the courthouse all those weeks ago. This time there was no uncertainty. She might be walking away, but they were still very much together.


	5. Chapter 5

The day after Noah finished school for the summer, he and Olivia boarded a plane bound for Miami. Olivia hadn’t told Noah where they were going, wanting it to be a surprise. There was also the fact that Noah couldn’t keep a secret to save his life. She hadn’t told the squad she was back in regular contact with Rafael, or that she had been to visit. They probably suspected but, for the time being, Olivia wanted to conduct their relationship out of the spotlight. All Noah knew was that they were going on vacation.

It was only when they were in the cab on their way to JFK, that she gave into Noah’s relentless questioning. Some days, if there was a suspect she just couldn’t crack, she thought about unleashing her son on them; his tenacity and determination to get answers would serve him well should he ever wish to be a police officer.

“Okay, okay, I’ll tell you. We are going to…” she dragged out the last syllables, teasing Noah until he let out a frustrated cry.

“Momma!”

“…Miami.”

“Miami?” he repeated, his eyes widening as he came to the realisation. “We’re going to see Uncle Rafa?”

Olivia nodded, smiling at her son. “Yes,” she confirmed. “We’re going to stay with him for a whole week.” It was a week and a day actually; they weren’t scheduled to fly home until the Sunday afternoon.

There was no comparison to the look on his face at that moment. At first, his face held a look of disbelief that changed to exhilaration and excitement when he realized his mother was serious.

“Yay! We can play robots and build sandcastles. Ooooh, maybe I’ll see the dolphins. And Uncle Rafa can read me bedtime stories and we can…”

Noah spent the rest of the cab-ride reeling off a list of activities he wanted to do with Rafael on their vacation, at full volume - much to the irritation of the cab-driver.

* * *

Rafael was not the most patient of men, especially not when he was waiting for something he really wanted. Sitting at a small table at the airport Starbucks, he kept looking between his phone and the arrivals board. It said that the flight from New York City was on time, but another glance at his phone read ten minutes past when it had been due to land. He had been listening for the announcement too, but so far, there had been nothing.

Olivia had been more than true to her word after her first visit. Less than 48 hours after she arrived home, she rang him to say she’d provisionally booked the first week of Noah’s summer vacation off work and that, if the dates were okay with him, she would book the flights. Within an hour they had found and booked flights and the countdown had begun. Only nineteen days until they would see each other again.

The first two weeks of that time had passed relatively normally, but the last several days had dragged. Rafael was so close to seeing Olivia and Noah, yet at the same time, it seemed like it would be forever until they arrived. He busied himself with work for a couple of days – pulling longer hours at the office, trying to get ahead of himself before he went on vacation. Then on Friday, he readied the boat for his guests’ arrival, cleaning it and making a trip to the grocery store to stock up on supplies. That took him through to his evening FaceTime call to Olivia and Noah. He had found it difficult to keep a straight face when Noah had asked if he’d still be able to talk to his Uncle Rafa while they were on vacation.

God, how he’d missed that boy. Rafael never ‘got’ kids before he met Noah. But then, he’d never been forced to have anything to do with them. His cousins all lived too far away for him to see their offspring and his friends from Harvard were, like he had been, too absorbed in their careers to have children.

Noah was the first child he had ever had the opportunity to spend time with and, although reluctant at first, Rafael was surprised at how much he enjoyed it. While Rafael credited Olivia with bringing colour into his world, Noah definitely made the hues more vibrant. He was so innocent and full of energy, curiosity and potential. And Rafael couldn’t wait to see him again.

He was pulled from his moment of introspection by his phone vibrating in his hand. He looked down at it and, seeing that it was from Olivia, felt his heart rate quicken.

“ _Landed. Just taxiing to the gate now_.”

The announcement came a minute later. Rafael got up and walked over to the arrivals board. He watched while it updated and shifted a little impatiently as he waited for confirmation that they had arrived at their gate. It took another five minutes for the board to completely update. When it did, Rafael began walking to the baggage claim area.  

He arrived at baggage claim just as Olivia and Noah were stepping through the arrivals gate. Rafael rubbed his hands against his pants and let his gaze wander over them. Olivia looked a little harangued - the perils of travelling with a young child on top of a difficult week at work – but he still thought her beautiful. Rafael noticed Noah had grown quite a bit too. The changes in his facial features had been obvious over the webcam, but the change in his height and the way he carried himself were only now apparent. He’d missed so much, and he hated it. He stood watching them, cataloguing all the little differences, until Noah looked up and spotted him.

“Uncle Rafa!”

Despite Olivia’s tight hold on him, Noah managed to wrench his hand free and sprinted through the crowd toward Rafael. He hurled himself into Rafael’s arms with such force that it caused him to stumble a couple of steps backwards as he caught the little boy.

“Noah!” Rafael held tightly to the boy in his arms, burying his nose into his curls and inhaling the scent that was uniquely him.

“I missed you!”

“I missed you too, amigo. So much.”

Olivia approached them, all thoughts of chastising Noah for running off swept from her mind as she saw the two most important people in her life embracing. She reached for Rafael, laying her palm on his lower back.

“Hi.”

He turned and, his watery eyes met hers. “Hey.” He shifted Noah to his hip and slid his free arm around her waist.

Turning into him, Olivia tucked her face against Rafael’s neck and inhaled deeply. It had only been a few weeks since they last saw one another, but this last case had been a rough one. There was never one that was easy exactly, but some were worse than others, and this one certainly fell into that category. It was the knowledge that this moment with Rafael would come, along with going home to Noah every night, that had carried her through the dark days of the past week. She held tightly to them in the middle of the busy baggage claim area and allowed the simple act of being held by Rafael to be the solace that her soul had needed.

Pulling away, Rafael took a moment to really look at her. He was so happy to see her once she stepped through the terminal checkpoint that he hadn't really _looked_ at her. He knew that she had been working almost around the clock for the last several days. Now that he could lay eyes on her, he realised just how much of a toll the case had taken. She was pale and there were also dark smudges beneath her eyes, which spoke of too many sleepless nights. It was nothing that he hadn't seen before. Rafael didn't have to tell her that he understood what it meant to suffer those difficult cases and work long hours to get justice, just existing on coffee and a quick bite of food here or there. Instead, he tipped her chin up and dropped a light kiss on her lips. "Let's get your bags and then get out of here."

Olivia smiled gratefully as he took her and Noah by the hand and manoeuvred them through the crowd to their carousel. After collecting their bags – and Rafael being amazed at how much luggage a small child needed for just a week – they made their way to the parking garage.

“You bought a car?” she asked, trying to ignore the feeling of unease this gave her. A job, a car… Was he putting down roots in Miami? What was next, a house?

“Hired,” he told her, reading her thoughts. “Just for the week. I thought it would be easier… with Noah.” He didn’t mention how it was also essential for the surprise he had planned; he didn’t want to spoil it.

They arrived at a blue Toyota Corolla and Rafael opened the front passenger door for Olivia, allowing her to sink into the seat while he strapped Noah into the car seat and stored their bags in the trunk. She leaned her head back against the headrest and once he joined her, she turned towards him.

“You were right. A car was a good idea.” She hadn’t realised just how tired she was until she’d sat in the car and relaxed into the comfortable leather. Waiting for a taxi or getting the bus with an over-excited five-year-old was not something she would have relished right now.

Rafael flashed her a smirk, tapping his fingers against the steering wheel as he pulled out of the car park space. “I’m always right.”

Olivia reached over and poked his thigh, hard.

“Hey!”

“You have been on your own for far too long,” Olivia observed. “Your ego needs pruning. Remind me to take care of that while we’re here.”

“Okay.” Rafael laughed as he merged into traffic and pointed the car in the direction of the marina.  

* * *

Olivia was asleep before they had even made it out of the airport zone, leaving Rafael and Noah to chat and decide what to do with the rest of the day.

In reality, it wasn’t far from the airport to the marina – about half an hour in daytime traffic – but Rafael decided to take the scenic route. He used the time to catch up with Noah; to hear all about school and his experiences on the softball team. The extra time also allowed Olivia to rest and while she might not be fully rested by the time they arrived at the boat, she’d probably feel a little better.

They stopped at a small café on the way and picked up a light lunch of salads and sandwiches to take back to the boat. Olivia slept through their stop; allowing Noah to talk Rafael into buying the largest available cookies for dessert.

Parking the car at the marina, Rafael gently nudged Olivia awake. He watched her eyelids flutter and finally blink open. She looked around, disorientated for a few seconds before her brain caught up with her surroundings.

“We’re here?” she asked, stifling a yawn.

Rafael nodded.

“Sorry I fell asleep.”

“Don’t be. It gave Noah and I a chance to catch up.”

“And buy cookies!” Noah piped up from the back.

Olivia raised a perfectly arched eyebrow at Rafael. “Cookies?”

“Yeah!” Noah continued. “Big cookies.”

Rafael didn’t think it was possible for Olivia’s eyebrow to lift any higher, but it did. He held his hands up. “Woah. We got sandwiches too. Besides, he doesn’t have to eat it all now. He can save half ’til tomorrow.”

“Aww!” pouted Noah and Olivia knew Rafael would give in; Noah would be eating the entire cookie.

Olivia reached for the door handle. “When he’s on a sugar rush later, he’s all yours!” she declared with a smile, before opening the door and helping Noah out.

Rafael retrieved the plastic bag containing their lunch and joined them on the sidewalk. Noah looked around at the great array of yachts and boats moored at the marina.

“Which one’s yours, Uncle Rafa?” he asked.

Rafael chuckled. “Well, it’s not mine, it belongs to a friend, but,” he took Noah’s hand, “it’s down here.”

Rafael led him down the jetty to the boat, Olivia following behind.

“Wow!” Noah exclaimed as they came to a stop beside Rita’s boat. Handing off their lunch to Olivia, Rafael lifted Noah onto the deck and then climbed on behind him. Turning back to Olivia, he took the bag back from her and held out his hand to help her up onto the boat.

“It’s pretty cool, huh?”

“It’s amazing! We’re going to sleep on here?”

“Uh-huh. Come on, I’ll show you.”

The trio headed below deck and Rafael showed Noah around; the large seating area, the galley, the bathroom and then to his very own cabin, complete with dinosaur bedding and nightlight, that Rafael had bought to make Noah’s stay more comfortable.

“And where does Momma sleep?” Noah asked, chewing on his bottom lip. The shadows of Sheila Porter’s actions still remained for the little boy; he always needed to know where his Mom was at night.

Rafael swallowed, not quite sure how to address with a five-year-old. that Olivia would be sharing his bed. Luckily, Olivia didn’t have the same problem.

“Uncle Rafa and I will be just across the hall,” she told him. The space between the two rooms was probably too narrow to be called a ‘hall’ but it was a term her son would understand. “Do you want to see?”

Noah nodded, and Olivia showed him where she would be spending the week, while Rafael retrieved their bags from the car.

When he returned, they had set out lunch in the galley and the three ate while discussing what to do with the rest of their day.

As the day was half over already, they decided to forgo taking the boat out, and instead wandered down to the beach. They changed, and Olivia packed some towels, snacks and drinks and they picked up a beach bucket and shovel for Noah on the way.

They found a suitable spot on the beach, away from the crowds; quiet with just the right amount of shade and spread out their towels on the sand. Once settled, Noah set straight to work on his sandcastle and Olivia began applying sunscreen to her arms and face. She’d practically coated Noah in the stuff before they’d left the boat but had neglected to put any on herself. When she’d covered all the parts she could reach, she held out the bottle of lotion to Rafael.

“Rafa, could you do my back please?”

“Sure.” He took the proffered bottle, eyes twinkling at the thought of touching her bare skin. She was wearing the same black, halter-neck swimsuit she’d worn on her previous visit, paired with some khaki coloured shorts.

“Thanks”

“Rubbing lotion into your shoulders? Hardly a hardship,” he replied. Although as Olivia turned and pulled her hair up out of the way, Rafael thought ‘hardship’ was probably not the phrase to use – he’d forgotten just how much skin her suit revealed at the back.

He squirted a dollop of lotion into one palm, before rubbing his hands together and applying it to Olivia’s skin. His hands rubbed the lotion in, massaging her back and shoulders. When his fingers accidentally brushed the edges of her breasts, she bit her lip to stifle a moan, reminding herself that her son was only a few feet away.

“Enjoying yourself?” he asked knowingly, as he gently, but firmly, rubbed his hands up and down the full length of her back - his hands gliding over her skin easily from the lotion.

Once sure all her skin was covered, Rafael reluctantly removed his hands. “All done.”

“Do you want me to return the favour?” Olivia asked.

“Yeah, thanks,” he replied, stripping down to just his swim shorts. He honestly wasn’t sure it was a good idea – three weeks without any intimate, physical contact with her had left him a little oversensitive – but then, he didn’t want to burn either.

Shifting behind him, Olivia squirted some straight onto Rafael’s back, laughing as he startled at its coolness. She mirrored his motions, starting with his shoulders before rubbing down the broad plains of his back.

It was a battle to keep from letting Olivia’s touch affect him in a sexual way; one that Rafael was quickly losing. He couldn’t stop a quiet groan of pleasure escaping as Olivia’s fingers brushed the low-slung waistband of his shorts.

Olivia’s hands stilled. They may only have been intimate a few times, but she recognised the tell-tale sound of his moan. Standing, she passed him back the bottle and gestured to his chest. “I’m sure you can take care of the rest yourself.”

He swallowed. “Well, it won’t be nearly as much fun, but yeah, I think I can manage.”

Olivia moved to help Noah with his sandcastle – which he declared was going to be the ‘most awesome sandcastle in the world’ – while Rafael finished putting on his sunscreen and got himself under control.

It wasn’t long until he joined them and was given a job by Noah. He began industriously digging a moat as instructed and Olivia helped Noah pack sand into the bucket to build the castle turrets. When it was finished, they stood back and admired their work.

“It needs decorating,” declared Noah, picking up his bucket. “I’m going to collect some pebbles and shells.”

“Don’t go too far,” warned Olivia.

“I won’t.”

Olivia and Rafael watched as he wandered, picking up shells and examining them. If he was happy with them they went into the bucket, and if not, he discarded them back onto the sand. While he was suitably distracted, Rafael took the opportunity to steal a quick kiss from Olivia.

“I’m glad you’re here,” he told her as he drew back. “I missed you.”

“Mmm. I missed you too,” she replied, cupping his cheek. “I wish I could have taken a photo of Noah’s face this morning when he found out we were coming. He was over the moon.”

“I feel the same,” Rafael said softly. “I didn’t realise how much I missed him until I saw him walk through the arrivals gate this morning. He’s grown so much.”

Olivia chuckled. “Like a weed. I’ve lost count of the number of pairs of pants I’ve bought him over the past six months. It seems he needs new ones every few weeks.”

Rafael glanced back at Noah. “He’s going to tower over us by the time he’s a teenager, isn’t he?”

Olivia’s breath hitched at hearing Rafael refer so casually to their long-term future. They had both indicated that they were committed to making a relationship work, but for him to mention it in passing without the context of a wider conversation on the subject stirred her emotions.

“Yeah, we’ll be craning our necks just to speak to him.”

Olivia’s reaction didn’t go unnoticed by Rafael. He caught the catch in her breath at his words and reached for her hand. “Well, I’ll be around massage away any knots and kinks. As long as you promise to return the favour.”

“I suppose that sounds fair,” she replied,

They shared a warm smile, before returning their attention to Noah, who was on his way back towards them, his bucket full to the brim of pebbles and shells.

Olivia stifled a yawn and glanced sheepishly at Rafael. “Sorry.”

He waved off her apology. “You’ve had an extremely busy week coupled with an early morning. Tell you what, you lie here and rest, and I’ll keep an eye on Noah.”

“Are you sure?” she asked. “I don’t want you to feel like I’m using you as a babysitter.”

“I don’t,” he assured. His hand found the skin of her bare leg, just below the cut-off of her shorts, and his fingers began tracing teasing patterns on her skin.  “But, just for the record,” he added, his voice low and husky, “you can use me for whatever you want.”

Olivia bit back her suggestive retort as Noah returned and placed his bucket down at their feet.

Rafael looked at the bucket then back at Noah. “Did you leave any shells on the beach?”

“Of course I did. There’s loads left.” He waved his arm in indication and turned back to find Rafael grinning at him. “You’re so silly, Uncle Rafa.”

“You fancy teaching your silly Uncle Rafa the finer points of sandcastle decoration? Let your Mami relax, hmm?”

Noah nodded eagerly, tipping the contents of his bucket onto the sand and spreading them out so they were more clearly visible. The two worked well together, Noah only having to correct Rafael’s shell-placement a couple of times. When they’d placed the final pebble on the sandcastle, Noah turned to Rafael. “Can we go in the water now?”

“Let me just check with your Mami” He pushed himself up on the sand and walked over to where Olivia was lying. She opened one eye as his shadow fell across her face.

“Noah wants to go down to the sea. Do you want to come with or…?” Rafael indicated where she lay on her towel, relaxing.

“Would it make me a terrible Mom if I said I’d rather stay here and rest?” she asked.

“Not at all,” he assured, “you’ve had a hard week. You okay with me taking him…?”

She gave him a reassuring smile. “I trust you, Rafa. I know you won’t let him drown.”

Rafael turned back to Noah. “Last one to the water is a miserable manatee!” he called before setting off down the beach at a slow jog.

“Hey!” Noah cried, pushing himself up and chasing after him.

Rafael slowed deliberately so Noah would beat him. As the little boy neared the water’s edge, a fresh wave came and splashed over his feet. Noah squealed and ran back to Rafael on the dry sand. Several times, he edged closer to the sea, letting the water barely tickle his feet, before returning to Rafael, each time edging further into the water.

Finally, Rafael scooped Noah up into his arms and said, “Come on then amigo, let’s go out a bit deeper.”

Rafael walked them out until the water was up to his waist. “So, you going to show me some me what you’ve been learning at swimming?”

Noah looked at the waves bobbing around them. “The sea moves more than the water in the pool,” he said nervously.

“Don’t worry,” assured Rafael. “I’m here. I’ll make sure you don’t get swept away.”

Noah nodded and slowly let go of Rafael and floated on his own. Rafael looked on proudly as the little boy began to swim on his own in the sea. “Bien hecho, amigo.”

Noah swam back to him and wrapped his arms around Rafa’s neck. “What’s ‘bien hecho’?”

“It’s Spanish for ‘well done’.”

“Oh. Will you teach me more Spanish, Uncle Rafa?” Noah asked. He was learning a bit in school, but only the basics like greetings and colours. And if his Uncle Rafa spoke Spanish, then he wanted to as well.

“I would love to, amigo,” Rafael told him earnestly.

* * *

At Noah’s insistence, Rafael was on bedtime story duty that night. When he hadn’t emerged from the cabin her son was sleeping in after almost 45 minutes, Olivia went to investigate. Noah was sprawled out on one side of the large bed, snoring quietly, while Rafael sat against the headboard on the other side, rhythmically stroking her son’s mess of curls.

“Hey,” she whispered, peering around the doorway.

Rafael looked up. “Hey.”

“He go down okay?” she asked, stepping into the cabin. “I was worried when you didn’t come back up.” She had curled up on one of the loungers with a trashy magazine while Rafael put Noah to bed.

Rafael indicated the small pile of books at the foot of the bed. “He kept asking for ‘just one more’ story.”

Olivia smiled knowingly. “And you just couldn’t say no.”

He shrugged. “Apparently I do the best voices.”

“So I’ve heard... repeatedly.” It was something Noah had commented on often since Rafael had left. He wanted Uncle Rafa to come back from his vacation quickly because, as far as her son was concerned, he was by far the better storyteller.

Rafael looked down at Noah and sighed. “I’m sorry I-.”

Olivia shook her head. “Not here.” If Rafael wanted to talk about his behaviour they could, but not in her son’s presence. Even if he was asleep. She bent down at kissed Noah on the forehead. “Good night, sweet boy.”

And, taking Rafael’s hand, she led him back up onto the deck. She motioned for him to sit on the lounger she had vacated not five minutes earlier and, once he was settled she joined him, settling herself between his legs and leaning back against his chest. He enveloped her in his arms, clasping his hands together on her stomach.

“What were you trying to apologise for?”

“Leaving.” He kissed her head. “I didn’t realise how much it would affect Noah. How attached he was...”

When he left, he didn’t believe Noah would miss him at all; he hadn’t been able to bring himself to believe that Noah cared for him in such a way. Why would a five-year-old find his presence in their life anything other than annoying? But all the evidence pointed to the contrary. Noah had even come straight out and told him he missed him.

He’d felt guilty then. Olivia knew why he’d had to leave – he needed to be in the right place to be what she and Noah needed, but how did he explain that to a little boy who just wanted his favourite story-teller or robot-creator?

“Rafa…” Olivia craned her head to look at him. “Stop beating yourself up. Noah is fine. Yes, he misses you but it’s not like you just disappeared. We know where you are, and he speaks to you regularly.”

“I know but…”

“But nothing. You needed to get away after what happened…. Anyone would. As long as you aren’t planning on becoming a pirate and staying out here on this boat forever, Noah and I will survive until you are ready to come home.”

“I am getting there, Liv. I just need a bit more time…” He knew some of what he wanted for his future and he could see Olivia and Noah in it so clearly, but parts of the vision still felt unfinished. So he was holding back. He didn’t want either of them to end up regretting their relationship because he had allowed his emotions to rule him.

“It’s okay,” she told him. “When you’re ready…” She wasn’t going anywhere. She would wait for him.

Warmth filled him with the simple reminder that they were in this relationship together.

"I miss you," he told her. "Both of you. Every day. It isn't easy – please don’t think that it is. But hopefully soon," he promised. He wasn't going to allow either of them to linger very much longer.

* * *

Leaning against the rail of the boat, Olivia let her hair blow freely in the wind, and watched as the marina became smaller and smaller as they sailed away. She closed her eyes and enjoyed the fresh, bracing wind against her face.

The sun was beating down warmly as they slowly sailed through the waves, on the open ocean. The sky was blue; clear with only a few clouds, and there was complete silence, except for the sound of the waves, and the few seagulls in the air.

She turned around, still leant against the rail with her elbows as she watched Noah and Rafael at the boat’s helm. Noah was standing behind the wheel, being instructed by Rafael, on how to man the helm. She smiled warmly at them, pulling out her phone and sneaking a photo. Watching her son bond with Rafael warmed and touched her heart deeply.

“That’s it, amigo. Just keep it steady and keep looking forward,” Rafael instructed, pointing out with one hand towards the horizon. He kept the other on the wheel, helping Noah to keep the boat steady.

“This is so cool.”

Noah and Rafael steered the boat along for another ten minutes before Rafael spotted something in the water.

“Look Noah.” He pointed to the starboard side. “Dolphins.”

Noah let go of the wheel and ran to look over the side, next to his Mom. She lifted him to stand on one of the rails, holding him tight, so he could peer over and get a better look. Three dolphins were swimming alongside the boat.

“I've never seen dolphins before," Olivia murmured in awe. They’d looked out for them on her previous visit but hadn’t been lucky enough to spot them.

The sight of his guests’ excited faces gave Rafael more pleasure than the sight of the rare creatures in the water, and he found himself watching Olivia and Noah instead of them.

“Can we swim with them?” Noah asked, looking over at him eagerly.

"I don’t know,” admitted Rafael. “I'll try slowing down and see what they do.” He pulled off the throttle, decreasing the speed of the boat, but the dolphins continued on their way, outstripping them easily.

“Oh,” murmured Noah, his face a picture of disappointment. Rafael was about to offer to catch them up, when the dolphins leapt out of the water into the air, pacifying the youngster a little. “Wow!”

Watching mother and son as they looked out over the water. Rafael felt a weight suddenly lift from his heart. He’d been away for four months and the stress of being apart from those he loved, even if it was for the best, had been weighing on him like a ton of bricks. But at that moment, as Noah’s infectious laugh reached his ears, he realised with blinding clarity that it was only by being with Olivia and Noah that he would heal completely.

* * *

That evening, as they were enjoying a simple picnic dinner on the deck, Rafael decided it was time to let them in on the surprise he had planned.

“So, Noah…,” he began, waiting until the little boy looked in his direction before continuing. “How would you like to go to Disney World?” He pulled three park passes out of his back pocket and held them up.

Olivia’s eyes snapped to Rafael’s as Noah’s widened. He could hardly believe it. “Really?”

“Really,” Rafael confirmed. “If that’s okay with your Mami?” He turned to Olivia.

“Sounds great.”

“Good. We’ll drive up in the morning and spend the next three days there. It’ll be an early start though, so we’d best get you ready for bed, amigo.” Rafael stood and held out his hand. Noah didn’t offer any protest, going willingly to change into his pyjamas and get ready for his bedtime story.

“This is the best vacation ever!” Olivia heard him declare as he followed Rafael below deck.

It was only later, when she and Rafael were in bed, wrapped in each other’s arms, did Olivia voice her concerns. “Disney World during the first week of summer vacation? You’re feeling brave.”

“Or stupid,” he agreed. “But Noah’s at that age, right, and… I just want him to experience that kind of magic. I want him to enjoy this trip Liv.”

“He would have enjoyed it anyway; he’s with his Uncle Rafa.” She looked up at him, a soft smile playing on her lips. “It’s a wonderful idea. He’ll love it.”

He grinned and pecked her on the lips. “Good thing too, seeing as I’ve already bought the tickets.”


	6. Chapter 6

They arrived at Disney World just after ten the next morning, after leaving Miami around half five. Noah had napped for the first hour or so, but then his excitement had put paid to that. Rafael lost count of how many times he heard the phrase, “Are we there yet?” on the drive up the I-95 and the Florida Turnpike.

Rafael had booked a room for them at the Disney Contemporary Resort Hotel. This allowed them to be close to the parks, so they could see as much as possible in their short stay. They checked in and, after nipping up to their room to drop off their luggage, jumped on the monorail to Magic Kingdom.

As they walked down Main Street, Noah could barely contain his excitement; talking a mile a minute and wanting to see everything at once. Rafael shook his head, while quietly smiling at the little boy’s enthusiasm. Containing his energy was going to be the challenge of the day, it seemed. Rafael wasn’t quite sure how that would go, but he decided not to dwell on it, choosing instead to just enjoy spending time with him and Olivia. He made this decision around when Olivia turned her head into his shoulder to laugh while Noah bounced around in absolute delight.

Glimpses, he realised, that was all that he really had of Olivia before, in this role as a mother that came so naturally to her. The moments he had witnessed, in the squad room or at her apartment during case prep, had been fleeting.

It was a warm day, and Olivia had chosen to wear pale linen trousers and a thin, sheer knit top of pale green over a matching camisole. It set off the colour of her eyes and accentuated the happy glow and flush of her cheeks. He watched Noah run towards her after having his picture taken with a character Rafael wasn't familiar with, an animal of some kind. Rafael laughed when Noah launched himself at Olivia, and he placed a hand on the small of her back as she caught him, to keep her from being knocked back.

She only held Noah for a couple of minutes before he was ready to be on his feet again. Then he took both Olivia and Rafael’s hands and dragged them through the crowds, keen to see more of what the park had to offer. After exploring Frontierland, riding the Thunder Mountain Railroad and getting wet on Splash Mountain, they stopped for lunch at one of the park's restaurants, grabbing an outdoor table.

When their meals arrived, Noah had to be reminded to slow down – almost inhaling his food so they could continue exploring the park. Rafael and Olivia were glad for the chance to rest – an over-excited five-year-old was an exhausting experience.

“Where are we going next?” Noah asked, after slurping the last of his milkshake. He hadn’t even put the glass down.

“How about we head over to Tomorrowland? Take a ride on Space Mountain?” Olivia looked at Rafael for his opinion.

“Sounds good,” he agreed, laying down some cash for their meal. “But first, Noah and I have a date with some magic teacups.”

“Yeah!” cheered Noah, jumping up and raring to go. Olivia smiled at his excitement. She was happy to accompany her son on most rides, but the thought of being spun around at high speed made her stomach roll. But Noah had really wanted to ride them, so Rafael had offered to take him instead.

They walked the long way round to the teacups, giving their lunch time to settle and, while Rafael took Noah to stand in line, Olivia took a seat on a bench with a good view of the ride. Noah held tightly to Rafael’s hand as they waited, talking animatedly at him, eyes alight with joy. As she watched, Olivia marvelled at the change in Rafael’s demeanour. He was far more relaxed and affectionate with Noah then she had ever seen him. Back in New York, he’d played with him, read him bedtime stories, pushed him on the swings a few times but there had always been a distance there – like Rafael had been holding something of himself back. Here, now, that distance was non-existent. It warmed her heart to see Rafael being fully at ease with her son; talking to him, playing with him, cuddling and comforting him, even chastising him when necessary. And Noah was loving every minute of it too.

When their turn came to board the ride, Noah rushed forward and chose a blue teacup. He and Rafael slid into the seat as the attendant explained how to control the speed and direction of the teacup using the wheel in the middle. Moments later, the ride began and Noah, who had listened intently to the attendant’s instructions, started spinning the wheel immediately. And very quickly.

Rafael’s world became a blur of colour and cacophony of noise as they spun around on the platform. Loud music, giggles, shouts and screams filled his ears as his stomach did somersaults. He held on tightly as the queasiness increased, willing the ride to stop. He opened his mouth to try and tell Noah to slow them down, but he promptly clamped it shut again, worried he was going to be sick. He doubted he could have made himself heard anyway over Noah’s excited shrieking.

Finally, just when Rafael thought he was going to spin off the edge of the world, they began slowing down. The teacup came to a halt after one final spin and, standing on wobbly legs, Noah and Rafael made their way off the ride. Rafael staggered to stop by the railings, leaning against them in order to regain his balance.

“Momma! Momma!” Noah was seemingly unaffected by the ride. “Did you see us? Did you see us?”

“I did, baby.” She handed him her phone, so he could watch the video she’d taken, and turned to Rafael. “You okay, Rafa?” She lay a hand in the middle of his back. “You look a little green.”

“Just a little dizzy. I’ll be fine in a moment.”

She might have believed him, if he wasn’t hunched over, clutching his stomach. “Do you want to sit down?”

Rafael shook his head. “No, no. I just need a minute.” He took a slow, deep breath.

“Are you okay, Uncle Rafa?” Noah had finished his video and was looking at Rafael, concern etched on his features.

Another deep breath. “I will be. You just spun us a little fast amigo, that’s all.”

Noah’s eyes went wide and his bottom lip began to tremble. “I made you sick?”

Rafael’s gaze snapped to Noah. “No. No. The ride made me sick, amigo. Not you.”

“But…” he hung his head and stared at the ground, “but I was spinning it.”

“You didn’t know, Noah.” Olivia spoke softly, “I’m sure Uncle Rafa doesn’t blame you.”

“Your Mami’s right,” agreed Rafael, bending down to Noah’s level. “You couldn’t have known it would make me feel sick because _I_ didn’t even know.” He put a hand on the little boy’s shoulder. “It’s not your fault, okay?”

“You promise it wasn’t my fault?” he asked

“I promise.”

“Okay.” He smiled, happy that he hadn’t done anything bad and wasn’t in any trouble, “Can we go on Space Mountain now?”

Rafael’s stomach turned at the thought, but he ignored it and pasted on a smile. “Of course we can, amigo.”

* * *

No trip to Disney World would be complete for a budding veterinarian without a visit to Animal Kingdom. So that’s where Noah chose to begin their second day at Disney World.

As their safari truck bumped along the rough terrain, Noah sat wide-eyed in between Olivia and Rafael, as they passed an array of exotic wildlife. Lions lazing in the sun, baboons swinging from tree to tree, hippopotamuses hiding in the water. But it was the elephants Noah really wanted to see. When they finally came to them, the little boy was practically bouncing in his seat.

“Wow!” he gasped as he reached for his back-pack where his own stuffed elephant had been stored for safe-keeping. He held him up to the railing, so he could see. “Look, Eddie, elephants! Like you.”

“Careful,” Rafael said gently, “You don’t want to drop poor Eddie over the side.”

Noah thought about this for a moment and decided his Uncle Rafa was right. He put Eddie back in his bag and zipped it up so that the elephant’s head was poking out. “There,” he said to his companion. “You’re safe now.”

When Rafael had gifted the elephant to Noah to mark his adoption, he never imagined it would become the boy’s constant companion. He’d seen it in a shop window and had just thought it was cute. And, not being experienced in the art of choosing gifts for young children, had thought a soft toy was a safe option for the boy that his best friend had lovingly taken into her life and heart.

But something about Eddie had connected with Noah and he now had quite a fascination with elephants. He listened intently to the safari guide as he spoke about the creatures.

“Elephants are the largest land mammals on earth. They are herbivores, which means they eat plants and their diet consists of grass, tree foliage and many types of fruit. They are social animals, living in herds made up of females and young. The males leave the herd once matured, only returning during mating season.”

Noah looked up at Rafael. “What’s mating season?”

“Erm… well…” He could feel the heat rising in his cheeks. How the hell was he supposed to explain this? He looked to Olivia for help only to find her smirking at his predicament. Clearly, he was on his own. “Mating season is… erm…it’s”

“Oh, for goodness sake.” Olivia shook her head with her smile. “It’s when the Mommy and Daddy elephants make baby elephants,” she told her son matter-of-factly.

“Oh. Okay,” Noah replied, turning back to the watch the young elephants as they played in the river.

Rafael looked from Noah to Olivia, slack-jawed. “I…”

“What?”

“You just made that seem so easy...”

“Well, it is,” she replied, lowering her voice. “Five-year-olds rarely ask about the mechanics of the process.”

“And if he had?”

“Then I would have tabled the discussion for a more private location, but I’d have been as honest with him as I felt was appropriate for his age.”

“And how do you gauge that?”

“You just kind of know.” She patted him on the arm. “Don’t worry Rafa, you’ll have got the hang of it by the time he’s old enough for you to give him ‘the talk’.”

Rafael smiled at her casual reference to their future. When he’d mentioned it at the beach the other day he knew he’d surprised her. She’d tried to mask it, but he’d spotted it. He was worried he’d pushed too hard too soon, but it appeared not. It was comforting to know they were on the same page regarding the direction of their relationship.

“I just hope I don’t scar him for life!” he chuckled nervously.

Olivia joined him in his laughter. “I’m sure you won’t, but we know several good therapists, just in case.

* * *

After enjoying the safari and the Everest Expedition, they spent a good hour exploring Dinoland, before Olivia decided it was time to do something that she wanted to do.

“River Rapids?” Rafael read the sign as they approached, his nose wrinkling.

“Yeah, they’re fun!”

“I think I’ll pass; wandering the park in wet clothes for the rest of the day is not my idea of fun.”

Olivia shook her head and reached for his hand. “No can do Rafa. The Kali River Rapids are a requirement of this trip, right Noah?”

Her son nodded. “Please, Uncle Rafa! It’ll be cool!”

“Besides,” Olivia continued, “it’s warm enough today – we’ll dry pretty quickly.”

Rafael looked unconvinced but allowed himself to be dragged towards the ride. As they moved to stand in line, Rafael noticed a sign that made him roll his eyes heavenward.

THE PROPRIETORS OF KALI RAPID EXPEDITIONS WISH TO INFORM YOU  
YOU **WILL** GET WET! YOU MAY GET **SOAKED**!

“Well, that’s comforting,” he drawled.

Ignoring his whining, Olivia and Noah went to store their belongings in one of the ride’s lockers. When they returned, Rafael was sporting a Disney rain poncho.

“Hey Liv, look at this.” He lifted his arms and turned around, so she could see the Mickey Mouse print on the back. They’re only six dollars. You want one?”

“No thanks.”

“Noah?”

The little boy shook his head while trying not to laugh at the sight of Rafael in the poncho.

“You do realise you look ridiculous?” Olivia asked.

“Probably, but at least I’ll stay dry. Are you sure you and Noah don’t want one? My treat. Never let it be said that Rafael Barba doesn’t know how to look after his family.” The word slipped out unbidden and Rafael’s eyes widened as he wondered if it was too much too soon.

Seeing the panic in his eyes, Olivia lay a hand on his arm, unshed tears glistening in her eyes. She hadn’t been expecting that, but now that it had been said she thought that was maybe a little naïve of her. He had been part of her extended family before he’d left after all, and now, well they were planning a future, the three of them, together.

“No, no-one could ever accuse you of that,” Olivia told him, squeezing his arm.

Rafael smiled back at her, emotions swimming in his eyes. They stood like that for a few moments before their unspoken connection was broken by the sound of Noah’s voice.  

“Momma, please don’t make me wear one of those!”

Rafael raised an eyebrow at Noah. “Something wrong with my poncho, amigo?”

“No,” Noah said seriously. “I just don’t want to look silly.”

Throwing her head back with a laugh, Olivia took her family by their hands and lead them towards the ride’s entrance. The queue was long, but Noah bore it well, helped by silly jokes and stories from Rafael and snacks from Olivia. When they finally reached the rotating pagoda where they would board their raft, Noah pouted.

“What’s wrong, amigo?”

“Only two people can sit together,” he said, pointing at the rafts coming in. There were four pairs of seats around the outside of the round vessel. “That’s not fair, I want to sit with you _and_ Momma.”

“Why don’t you sit with Momma this time,” Rafael suggested, conscious of the fact that Noah had been very attached to him on this trip. “And then on the next ride, you and I can sit together, okay?”

Noah nodded, happy with the compromise. “Okay.”

They settled in the raft, Rafael on the seats to the left of Olivia and Noah and began their journey. The sedate start made Rafael question whether he’d been too over-zealous in his purchase of a poncho, but he soon decided otherwise, when they sailed under a waterfall and the water cascaded down onto his hood.

Olivia and Noah laughed at the disgruntled look on Rafael’s face, but they soon changed their tune, when they went down the final drop backwards and, as the raft hit the surface of the river below, all the displaced water shot upwards and splashed over the raft, drenching them.

“Aaaaah!”

“Oh God, that’s cold!”

Rafael pressed his lips together, desperately trying to suppress the laughter that was bubbling up inside. He wasn’t very successful and the chuckle that followed earned him a playful scowl from Olivia.

When they arrived back at the pagoda, Rafael hopped off the raft first before turning and helping Noah and then Olivia out too. Olivia pushed her wet hair from her face and plucked at her wet clothing, trying in vain pull them away from her skin. She sighed in frustration. Rafael, on the other hand, was enjoying the way her sodden clothes were clinging to her curves.

“Stop ogling me,” Olivia hissed, recognising the look on his face. “We’re in a children’s theme park.”

Rafael was more than aware. It was that fact alone that was keeping him from pulling her into his arms and ravishing her right there.

“It’s not my fault you look so good when you’re wet,” he protested. “I told you to buy a poncho. Offered to buy one for you, even. But you refused.” They followed the exit signs to find their way off the ride and back to the lockers to get their bags, in which Noah luckily had a change of clothes.

“Bet you’re wishing you bought one now, aren’t you?” Rafael gloated, pulling his rain poncho off over his head. He held his arms out to show her. “See. Dry as a bone.”

Olivia rolled her eyes good-naturedly. “Is that so?” She shared a look with Noah as Rafael continued to extol the virtues of his waterproof attire. With a discreet nod, the two of them advanced on Rafael, pulling him into a group hug and, in turn, sharing the wealth of dampness.

* * *

The three of them hopped over to Epcot for the afternoon, where Olivia showed off her multi-linguistic skills in the World Showcase, while Rafael regaled her and Noah with tales of his trip to London with college. They had returned to Animal Kingdom after dinner, having heard about the ‘Tree of Life Awakening’ – an attraction of light and sound to rival the fireworks at Magic Kingdom that Noah had enjoyed so much the previous evening.

As darkness fell, they made their way to the dedicated viewing platform in front of the Tree of Life. With one arm around Olivia’s waist and the other draped over Noah’s shoulder, his hand resting on the boy’s chest, Rafael waited expectantly for the show to start.

The music began to stir and hundreds of flickering fireflies magically appeared, stirring to life the animal spirits that were carved into the tree’s towering trunk. Rafael hadn’t been sure what to expect when Olivia had told him about the light show, but he found himself just as entranced as the young boy stood in front of him.

They watched as the coloured lights and animated imagery brought to life the story of a graceful young doe embarking upon a thrilling journey watched over attentively by his friend the hawk. When the story took a slightly ominous turn, accompanied by appropriately foreboding music, Rafael felt Noah’s reach up and grasp his hand tightly.

Rafael closed his fingers around Noah’s, reassuringly rubbing his thumb back and forth. Olivia dropped her hand to Noah’s free shoulder to offer some comfort also. They stayed that way until the end of the showcase.

As the lights dimmed, the large crowd began to disperse, and Olivia excused herself to find a restroom. This gave Noah the chance to ask Rafael about something that had been bothering him since their safari. In truth, it had been a question he had been wondering about for a while, but his experience that morning had added another level of inquisitiveness.

“Uncle Rafa?”

Rafael glanced down to find Noah staring back up at him. “Yeah, amigo?”

“Why did you leave?”

It was a question Rafael had been waiting for since his return to Noah’s life. In fact, he was surprised it hadn’t come sooner. Even so, when Noah asked it, Rafael struggled to answer him.

“I…”

“Is it like with the elephants? Did you just not want to be with me and Momma anymore? Like the male elephants?”

“No, no. Nothing like that,” Rafael assured. “I just needed a vacation, that’s all.”

“That’s what Momma said but vacations don’t last this long. And you said you have a job here. People don’t work on a vacation.”

“It honestly did start out as a vacation,” Rafael explained. “But when I got here there were people who needed my help. That’s what my job here is all about. Helping people.”

“Why can’t you help people in New York, like you used to?”

Rafael sighed. He glanced around to see if Olivia was on her way back but there was no sign of her. It looked like he was on his own for this particular conversation. Sending up a prayer that he wouldn’t screw it up, he led Noah through the lingering visitors to a free bench at the side of the viewing platform. Sitting down, he pulled Noah onto his lap to try and explain.

“I _had_ to leave… I did something…”

“What?”

“That’s not really important,” he insisted. It was, of course. It was that act that had defined the last four months of his life and he was sure would continue to affect him in some way into the future. But it was definitely not something that Noah needed to know about.

“Was it something bad?” Noah asked. He didn’t think Rafael was a bad person, but his experience with Grandma Sheila had taught him that sometimes good people could do bad things.

“Some people thought so,” Rafael admitted. “I had to leave my job because of it and I didn’t know what to do. So, I came down here to try and figure it out.”

Noah sighed, his gaze fixed in his lap. “It’s taking you a long time.”

“I’m sorry if it seems that way amigo. But I think I’m almost there.”

Noah brightened at that. “So, you’ll be coming home soon?”

“Hopefully. I’ll need to finish helping the people who I’m working with but…” He placed his hand under Noah’s chin and tilted his head towards him, so he was sure he had the little boy’s full attention. “As soon as that’s done, I _will_ be coming home, Noah. I promise.”

The two lapsed into silence for a few moments, both thinking about Rafael’s words before Noah spoke again.

“Uncle Rafa… I don’t think you did a bad thing.”

“You don’t know what I did, amigo.”

“If you’d done something bad, Momma would have sent you away like she did with Grandma Sheila and I wouldn’t be allowed to see you anymore,” Noah reasoned. “But she didn’t, so you can’t have done anything bad.”

Noah’s words gave Rafael pause. He and Olivia hadn’t really discussed what he’d done. They’d touched on it the night before he left, but aside from telling him that he’d done what he thought was right and repeating that she had absolute faith in his humanity, there was no examination of his actions or how it made her feel.

He wondered if, perhaps, that was something they should talk about before committing themselves to a relationship, but then again maybe they didn’t need to. After all, she’d stood by him through the investigation and the trial – she was in the court gallery every single day - and even now, she was still here; travelling thousands of miles to spend time with him while he picked up the pieces of his life. That more than anything should show him how she felt about it. The phrase ‘actions speak louder than words’ was not completely without merit.

“I guess you’re right. You’re a clever boy, d’you know that amigo?”

He nodded proudly. “Momma and Lucy say that too.” Noah’s attention was taken by the new light show being projected onto the tree for a moment before another question came to the forefront of his mind.

“Uncle Rafa, will you live with us when you come home?”

Rafael swallowed. “I’m not sure… that’s something your Mami and I will have to talk about.” The thought had crossed Rafael’s mind on the rare occasions he allowed himself to think about his return to New York. He’d given up his condo, so he wouldn’t have anywhere to go, but he wondered if it would be too soon for him and Olivia to live together.

“I’d like it if you did,” Noah informed him, snuggling into his chest.

“You would?” It was one thing for him to be an occasional visitor to the apartment Noah shared with his Mom, but another for him to move in with them permanently.

Noah nodded. “Joshua from school hates that his Momma’s boyfriend lives with them now, but that’s because he’s trying to be Josh’s Dad and Josh already has a Dad – he just doesn’t live with them anymore. But it won’t be like that for us because I don’t have a Dad…”

Rafael didn’t know if it was the wistful look in Noah’s eye or the pensive tone of his voice that prompted his next words, but they left his mouth before he even considered the consequences.

“Is that something you want… a Dad?”

“Maybe…" he shrugged. “I love Momma, but I used to think…” he trailed off, worrying his bottom lip between his teeth.

“Noah… Whatever it is, you can tell me.”

“Promise you won’t get mad or upset?” he asked, leaning forward so he could see Rafael’s face.

“I promise.”

He took a deep breath. “I used to think that maybe you could be my Dad. You did all the things that my friends’ Dads did.”

Rafael supposed he had been around a lot during the six months before he left. As his friendship with Olivia had deepened, their late-night case prep had led to dinners at their apartment, and before long Rafael was a regular guest at spaghetti night. He and Noah had bonded over their mutual love of desserts and Noah barely let Rafael out of his sight from the moment he arrived until the moment the little boy went to bed. Rafael even became a regular feature at bedtime – he was Noah’s choice of storyteller.

Saturday mornings often found Rafael at the park with Olivia and Noah too; pushing him on the swings, playing catch, eating ice-cream. To passers-by, the three of them probably looked like a family, so it was perhaps inevitable that Noah would begin to think of them that way too, painting Rafael in the role of father. Especially if he saw his friends and classmates in similar situations.

“But then you left,” continued Noah, “and I thought maybe you didn’t want me… but then you started calling and I didn’t know what to think… but I think I would have liked my Dad to be you.”

Rafael felt tears prick his eyes at Noah’s words. He pulled the little boy back close to his chest and held him tightly. Pressing a kiss to his curls, Rafael spoke softly but with conviction. “I am so sorry. I should have told you why I had to leave. I should have made sure you knew that it wasn’t about you. It was never about you, Noah. Never.”

Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Olivia approaching. He shook his head and met her gaze, willing her to give him a few more minutes. Luckily, their lengthy separation hadn’t dimmed their ability to communicate wordlessly, and she held back, watching the two of them intently.

Rafael shifted Noah, so he was facing him once more. “Noah, I’m going to tell you some very important things now and I need you to listen very carefully, okay?”

Noah nodded. “Okay.”

“I didn’t have a very good Dad. He wasn’t very nice to me or my Mami. And I was scared that, if I was ever a Dad, I would be like him and that was something I didn’t want to be. So, I decided that being a Dad was probably not something I would do. But then, you came along… and I got to spend time with you and you were funny and clever and you made me smile. You made my world a brighter place. I came to love you and… part of me wished that I could be your Dad too.”

Noah’s eyes widened at Rafael’s admission, but he didn’t speak, sensing that Rafael wasn’t finished.

“I didn’t know if that would ever happen… if that was even something that your Mami would want, and I had to leave before I could find out. But now, I’m pretty sure your Mami would be okay with it so… if you still want that then maybe we could think about it?”

“Really?”

Rafael nodded. “Sure. But you need to be sure this is what you want. I won’t go away or love you any less if it’s not, I promise. You have a think about it and when you decide, you just let me know, so we can talk to your Mami about it, okay?”

“Okay.” Noah reached up and wrapped his arms around Rafael’s neck, burrowing his head into the crook of his neck. “Love you,” he murmured sleepily.

Rafael’s hand instinctively went to the boy’s curls and he began stroking them gently. “I love you too, mijo.” The Spanish term of endearment rolled of Rafael’s tongue without conscious thought, but as he uttered the words, it felt right.

Olivia approached them slowly, sensing that whatever conversation they were having was coming to a close. “Everything okay,” she asked, noting Rafael’s red-rimmed eyes.

“Yeah, we were just having a little chat. Man to man.”

Olivia raised an eyebrow, but Rafael wouldn’t be drawn on the subject any further.

Olivia knew better than to press him and trusted that if she needed to know the content of the conversation between the two most important men in her life, he would tell her. Instead, she sat down next to him, and when he lifted his arm and laid it on the back of the bench, she leant against him.

They fell into a contented silence as the next projection show began and the lights danced mesmerisingly across the trunk of the Tree of Life. As they watched the story of love blossoming between a pair of hummingbirds unfold – their first meeting, the formation of a friendship, the male thinking he’d lost the female to another, the reunion of the two and the start of a family – both Olivia and Rafael were truly thankful they had made their way through all that their lives had thrown at them and found each other.


	7. Chapter 7

“I’ve got him.” Rafael drew a sleeping Noah out of the car seat and lifted him into his arms. It was late on Thursday when they returned to the boat. It was almost eleven at night when Rafael pulled the car into the marina car park. Noah had been wide awake when they left the resort, talking both their ears off. Ten minutes later, he was sound asleep, still hugging Eddie and the Winnie the Pooh plushie that Rafael had bought him.

Neither Noah or Rafael had mentioned their conversation again nor had they told Olivia. Rafael wasn’t worried though. He wanted Noah to come to a decision on his own time – without undue pressure from either him or his mom. That way he could truly be sure that Noah was making the right decision for him.

They’d spent their final day at Hollywood Studios, exploring the attractions – the Twilight Zone Tower of Terror quickly becoming a favourite – and taking in some of the live shows including Muppet Vision and Toy Story Mania. Rafael had revealed his inner geek with the Star Wars attractions and he and Noah had further bonded over Jedi and Storm Troopers. Olivia didn’t really care for the franchise, but her boys had fun and she was happy to let them indulge. Although, she wondered about her sanity when the two of them started talking about a back-to-back marathon of all eight films.

They hadn’t managed to see everything in all the parks during their visit. Neither had they had time to go to the waterparks, but perhaps they could return one day for a family vacation and see more of what Walt Disney World had to offer… if they ever recovered from this visit.

Olivia pulled the bags of goodies they’d bought from the car and rounded it to join him. They’d purchased a few mementoes while at the resort; mostly for Noah but there were a few for themselves and Jesse too, as well as a few things for the children Rafael visited at the hospital.

“Let’s get him into bed and then we can come back for the cases before collapsing ourselves.”

Rafael chuckled quietly. Noah was an absolute dead weight in his arms as he stepped onto the boat and below deck. He hardly stirred at all, even as Rafael laid him on his bed and Olivia undressed him. Once he was settled, they retreated to their own cabin. The bed was just too comfortable to resist. Rafael dropped onto it with a groan. His back was killing him. He lay back against the pillows, sighing gratefully as his body relaxed.

“I may never move again.”

“Hmm.” Olivia joined him, toeing out of her shoes and stretching out next to him. “I don’t know where he gets all his energy from.” Noah had been on the go all day every day for their entire trip to Disney World. “Even my hair is aching.” It had been worth it though; the three days had been truly magical. Noah had the time of his life and Olivia knew that the three of them had made memories they would treasure forever.

“We can have a lazy day tomorrow,” Rafael suggested. “Maybe head down to the beach and lie back while Noah builds sandcastles.” Rafael reached over and pulled her to him. She turned onto her side and draped an arm across his middle, snuggling into him with a quiet hum. When her head settled against his shoulders, he began to gently run his fingers through her hair, massaging her scalp.            

“Mmm. That feels good,” Olivia commented of his ministrations.

“Yeah?” Rafael toed out of his shoes and drew her more comfortably against him. They’d rest a minute, he thought, and then go and get the cases out of the car.

"Hmm." Olivia tucked her face into his neck and settled comfortably against his chest. "Five minutes," she muttered. "Then we have to move."

"Five minutes," he agreed. With her gentle weight tucked against him, he slowly worked his fingers down to her neck. "Better make it ten," he decided when she moaned quietly.

"Not a second more," she said.

It was nearing dawn before either of them stirred. Rafael woke, the chill of the morning air biting at his bare feet. It seemed their ten minutes had gone overtime. He reached up and stroked Olivia’s arm slowly. Her skin was cold; he was not the only one affected by the temperature.

“Liv,” he called her name quietly. She stirred slowly, and he turned his face into her hair, lips gentle against the top of her head. “We should get under the covers.”

“Mmhm." Her lashes fluttered but didn't open. "Comfy right here," she muttered and burrowed into his side and the relative warmth of his upper body.

"Yeah, I know…" His hand swept her hair back from her face. He was tempted to go right back to sleep but didn’t want either of them to catch a chill. "Come on," Rafael sat up slowly and smiled when she did the same, her eyes blinking open slowly.

"So much for that ten minutes." Olivia swept her hair back and smiled. She untangled herself from him and glanced at her watch. It was still very early.

Standing, Rafael turned down the bedclothes while Olivia popped her head in to check on Noah.

They changed quietly, and quickly. Rafael down to his boxers and undershirt while Olivia slipped into the dress shirt of his that she had claimed. They climbed into bed and settled next to each other; Olivia pulled Rafael’s arm around her and pressed back against him when he drew her against his chest.

Olivia could get used to falling asleep with his arms wrapped around her. Hopefully, one day soon, she thought, they’d be able to do it on a far more regular basis.

* * *

“Momma?”

Olivia looked up from her book to where Noah was lying on his stomach, colouring. She and Noah were relaxing on the deck of the boat while Rafael was visiting the children at the hospital. He’d offered not to go; to stay with them, but Olivia had brushed him off. It was only a couple of hours and she and Noah were more than capable of amusing themselves.

“Yes, my love?”

“Does Uncle Rafa have any glitter glue?”

Olivia’s brow furrowed. “I’m not sure. I wouldn’t think so. Why?”

“I just wanted to make him something, that’s all.”

“Oh?”

“Yeah.” He bit his lip. “Could we go and buy some? It’s important.”

Olivia considered her son’s request for a moment. She had no idea what it was he wanted to make Rafael and was surprised by his willingness to do so. Noah didn’t engage in craft activities - save from colouring or painting, which he loved. It was something Olivia wished he’d do more of, so she wasn’t about to shut him down.

“Okay, why not? Put your crayons away and we’ll go to the store.” There was a Target not far from the Marina and she was sure they’d have whatever Noah wanted. Rafael had left the hire car, because parking at the hospital was a nightmare and, when there was a direct bus from outside the marina, he didn’t see the point in driving there.

Noah obliged, gathering up his colouring equipment and putting it safely away in his backpack. Olivia did a quick sweep of the upper deck, tidying up, before securing the boat. Olivia jumped off onto the jetty and turned to lift Noah down. “What is it you want to make for Uncle Rafa?” she asked as she scooped him up.

“A Father’s Day card.”

Olivia sat Noah down on the edge of the boat, his expression puzzled at the sudden change in their plan. She bent slightly so that they were face to face.

“Oh, Noah, honey… that’s sweet of you but…” she paused, carefully considering her next words so as not to cause her son any distress. She didn’t know how her son knew it was Father’s Day that weekend, but she couldn’t let his assumptions about Rafael go unaddressed. It would only cause further heartache in the long-run. “You know Rafa isn’t your Dad.”

“But he wants to be.”

Olivia swept a hand across her face and sighed. “Noah,” she continued gently, “just because we’ve spent a lot of time with him lately doesn’t mean that-“

“But he does want to be my Dad! He said so!”

“He did? When?”

“At Disney. At the Tree of Life.”

Olivia stood staring at her son as she processed what he was telling her. The Tree of Life. The conversation they’d had ‘man to man’. This was what their conversation was about? Rafael offering to be Noah’s father.

“Okay, Noah. Before we go to the store, I need you to tell me _exactly_ what Uncle Rafa said.”

So, Noah told his mom everything he could remember about the conversation they’d had that night. When he finished, he regarded his mom carefully.

“Are you mad at him?”

“No.” Olivia shook her head. “I’m not mad at him,” she assured. “So, you’d like Uncle Rafa to be your Dad?”

Noah nodded vigorously. “Yeah. Please, Momma. Can he?”

“I will speak to him,” she promised. “But it seems like you and Uncle Rafa have already made a decision.”

“No. We still have to ask you. Uncle Rafa said. Do you not want him to be my Dad?”

“I… I would like nothing more, Noah.” And she realised it was true. While she wished Rafael had spoken to her about it first – and there would be a conversation about that – she couldn’t deny that having him as Noah’s father would be perfect. There was no-one else she would trust with the job.

“Come on then,” she beckoned, holding out both hands. Noah took them and slid down off the edge of the boat. “We’ll need to hurry if we’re going to get back and get this card made before Uncle Rafa gets home.”

* * *

Olivia pulled the blanket up over Noah as he snuggled down in the bed. As on the previous evenings they’d been on the boat, Rafael had read him several bedtime stories before he and Olivia had traded places, so she could say goodnight and tuck him in.

He cuddled Eddie and Winnie the Pooh close to him. “Do you really think Uncle Rafa will like the card?”

Their shopping trip had been a rousing success and Rafael’s card was currently hidden at the bottom of Olivia’s suitcase, alongside a card from Olivia and the gifts that they had picked out for him.

“He’ll love it,” Olivia assured him, kissing him on the forehead.

“I can’t wait to give it to him.”

She pushed his hair back off his face and stroked his head soothingly. “Well, the sooner you go to sleep, the sooner it will be morning and we can make Rafa breakfast like we planned, okay?”

Noah nodded sleepily. “Okay, Momma.”

“Goodnight sweet boy.” She dropped a final kiss to his head and switched on his nightlight before creeping quietly out of his room.

She climbed the few steps up to the deck and found Rafael reclined on a red plaid blanket, a bottle of wine and two glasses resting next to him. They’d sailed out into the ocean when Rafael had arrived back from the hospital, hoping to spot more dolphins, and had dropped anchor for dinner, remaining there while they readied Noah for bed.

“What’s all this?”

Rafael patted the blanket. “Come here,” he beckoned. She lowered herself down to the blanket and lay next to him. “Look,” he instructed, pointing at the sky.

She gazed languidly at the night sky, marvelling at the millions of flickering stars. “It’s beautiful,” she whispered. You couldn’t see the stars in New York City; there was too much light, but out here away from civilisation, they shined brightly and in great numbers.

Rafael pointed again. “You see the constellation there… the one that looks like a pan with a slightly bent handle.” Olivia nodded. “That’s the Big Dipper. Now, can you see, the two stars that form the side of the bowl farthest away from the handle? They are ‘pointer stars’. Now, draw an imaginary line connecting them and then extend that line upwards about four or five times the distance and there’s a brighter star. You see it?”

Olivia followed his instructions. “I think so.”

“That’s the North Star. It sits almost directly over the North Pole. Sailors used to use it to navigate. If they ever lost their way, they’d look for the North Star to guide them.” His hand found hers at her side and he entwined their fingers. Lying there, hand-in-hand, it almost felt as if the stars were shining just for them. He turned to face her, his lips soft against her ear when he spoke. “You’re my North Star, Liv.”

She rolled her head to meet his gaze, her hand reaching up to cup his cheek. “Rafa…”

He brought a finger to her lips, quietening her. “All these weeks I’ve been here searching for… something, but the only time I’ve felt any real clarity is when I’ve been with you.”

“And?” She worried her bottom lip between her teeth, hope rising within her.

He lifted his hand to cup her cheek and met her gaze. His was unwavering. “Once I’ve finished my cases, once my contract is up, I’m coming home.”

Olivia gripped his other hand and brought it to her lips. “As long as you’re ready. You know I’d wait, as long as you needed me to.”

“I know. But it’s not fair to ask that of you. Or Noah.”

She smiled, “Okay then. Two more months.” It was only a short amount of time in the relative scheme of things, but it wouldn’t be easy. Still, they had each other to lean on and the promise of a future together at the end.

Rafael sat up and reached for the wine bottle. Uncorking it, he poured them both a glass. Wine was not his usual drink of choice, but tonight, out here with Olivia, lying under the stars, it felt more appropriate than the harsh Scotch he’d normally choose.

“While we’re on the subject of the future,” Olivia continued. “Noah and I had an interesting chat while you were out this afternoon.”

“Oh?” He asked, handing a glass off to Olivia.

“Yeah. Did you…” She lifted the glass to her lips and took a sip, savouring the flavour. “Mmm. Did you tell him you wanted to be his Dad?”

“Yeah, I did. Although it wasn’t quite as direct as that. He asked me why I left and when I was going to come home, and the conversation just sort of evolved and…” His words trailed off as he doubts began to fill his mind. “Wait. Are you… are you not okay with that?”

“I just wasn’t expecting it, that’s all... we haven’t exactly talked about it.”

Rafael’s brow furrowed. “But I thought…” He ran a hand through his hair a soft sigh escaping his lips. “We’ve talked about me being there… in the future…”

“I know but-”

His hand dropped to the blanket and he began toying with the edge, his gaze fixed resolutely on the plaid fabric. “Have you… have you changed your mind about us?”

Olivia shook her head. “No, no! Of course not. I just told you I’d wait for you, didn’t I?” Her hand found his thigh and he looked up at her touch. She gave him a warm smile. “I love you, Rafael Barba. Don’t you ever doubt that. I guess I just didn’t equate your presence in our future with you actually being a dad. Most men would baulk at the idea.”

“Should I be offended you’d compare me to ‘most men’?” His trademark smirk was back.

“Oh, I’m sorry, how remiss of me.” Olivia mirrored his smirk for a moment before pursing her lips. “But in all seriousness Rafa, Noah is my son and I need to look out for him; protect him. Regardless of how much colour you’re seeing now, I still need some things to be laid out in black and white. For his sake.”

Rafael nodded. “I can understand that, and I would never do anything to hurt him. Just for the record, so we’re both clear on this... I do want to be Noah’s father. In every way that counts. If that’s something that you, and he, want”

Olivia let out a shaky breath as she nodded slowly. “Okay then.”

“Okay?”

Olivia reached for his hand. “Okay.”

“You really mean that?”

“I do. If Noah chooses for you to be his Dad then I have no objections.” Part of her wished she could tell him that Noah had already made the decision, but she didn’t want to steal her son’s thunder. Instead, she took his now empty wine glass from him and put it to one side. Cupping his cheek, she kissed him passionately. Pushing him back onto the blanket, she slipped her leg over him and straddled him. Her hair fell like a curtain around their faces as she lowered her lips to his once more.

After a few minutes in which they were both lost in the kiss, she dropped her forehead into the crook of his neck, breathing him in deeply. His arms tightened around her, holding her close. One of his hands found the nape of her neck and travelled up into her hair. He was leaving a trail of light kisses on her neck and jaw when he heard her whisper in his ear.

“I love you.” Her voice was soft and low against his skin.

She kissed his neck once more before moving back a little until their eyes locked. He was watching her with so much love and tenderness that her heart almost stopped beating.

“I love you too.”

Their lips met once more, and she hummed in approval as Rafael’s tongue swept her bottom lip and parted her lips for him. He slid a hand up her leg and beneath the hem of her dress, letting his fingers dance along the smooth expanse of skin.

“Is this okay?” Rafael rasped. “Noah-”

Olivia sat up. “…is fast asleep. And as long as you’re quiet, he’ll stay that way,” she said, already reaching for his belt.

“If I recall correctly,” he replied, stifling a moan, “it’s not me who needs to keep quiet.” His hands found the hem of her dress and he slipped it carefully over her head.

“Liv.” He groaned at the sight of her. The matching black lace that she had hidden beneath her dress had blood rushing south of his waist. His hands moved up her sides again. They settled against her ribcage and his thumbs swept the undersides of her breasts through the lace covered silk cups of her bra.

Olivia finally wrangled his pants open and she tugged his shirt free and began working open each button. Sitting up slightly, he shrugged out of the shirt and it joined Olivia’s dress on the deck. She watched his eyes darken as her hands moved back to his pants, skirting the edge of the aroused flesh tenting his boxers. Their eyes remained locked as she dragged his pants down his thighs and helped him out of them.

His hands swept up her back and caught the clasp of her bra. The clasp was easily dealt with and he followed the path of the strap down her left shoulder with his mouth. The bra was abandoned to the deck and he rolled them over. Kneeling over her, Rafael’s mouth trailed a path downwards. His hands cupped her breasts, while his lips and tongue bathed a path between. She arched beneath him, and her legs were drawn impatiently along his thighs and around his hips. He groaned when her hips rolled, and she pressed against him. His lips closed around a nipple while his hand palmed her other breast. He took her ragged moan as a sign of approval and braced himself against the deck as he rolled the tight bud between his lips.

A ragged sigh was wrought from her lips. She turned her head to the side, arched beneath him. “Rafa!”

He swept his hands down her sides and caught the edge of the black lace that still covered her. Rafael leaned back and drew the material down her legs. It was tossed behind him, while he let his gaze wander back up the length of her body. She would probably never know just how beautiful she was to him, but he would tell her as often as she’d let him.

“You’re so beautiful, Liv.”

He moved over her when she reached for him. His head bent, and her arms slid around his waist as their mouths met again. She pushed at his boxers and together they shoved them out of their way. His hands cupped the backs of her thighs. He drew her legs higher, tilted her toward him, and then sank slowly into her heat.

One hand gripped the back of his neck, while her other arm slid around his shoulders. She turned her face into his neck and drew a ragged breath as he filled her. The initial heat, the sensation of stretching around him, it never failed to steal her breath, just for a moment.

The walls of her body gripped him tightly, while her heat surrounded him. Once he sank completely home, they lay, still and trembling, while allowing their bodies to adjust to the new sensation. When she moved impatiently beneath him, he lifted his head. He braced himself on his elbows and cupped her face between his hands. He swept her hair back from her face, let his thumbs trace familiar contours of her cheeks. Then he lowered his head and drew slow, languid kisses from her lips as he started to move within her. It started slowly, but the tempo soon increased as need burned through them. Olivia rolled her hips to meet each of his deep, deliberate thrusts. The lazy caress of their lips became open mouth kisses and nipping teeth until his thrusts were no longer deliberate, and her face turned into his neck, her moans muffled against his skin.

Rafael curled an arm beneath her thigh, his pelvis tilted up, rolled and a ragged gasp was drawn from her at the sensation. He did it a second time and her hands moved to his shoulders, gripping tightly, nails scouring. She trembled beneath him, heat and arousal coiled at her centre, burned through her, and then his hand was sliding between them. Something which might have been his name filled the deep, keening cry that passed her lips as his fingers found her, teased her. Her back arched, and with a strangled cry, her release swept through her, and the slick heat of her inner walls gripped him tightly in its wake, contracting wildly as she came apart beneath him. His hands moved to her hips, pressed her into the blanket beneath them and his rhythm was lost in the onslaught. Only a moment passed before he was joining her. Heat coiled and then broke, and he was left equally as spent, trembling where he lay atop her.

Another minute passed before he lifted his head, shifted his weight off her and gazed down at her flushed face. He nuzzled at her cheek, nosed her hair aside and let his lips slide playfully along the curve of her jaw.

“I didn’t actually think we’d get to do this, this week,” he rumbled. He didn’t mind; he understood the nature of their situation. It was hard to find time to be alone on a boat with a five-year-old around. Even when he was asleep, the walls weren’t anywhere near thick enough to muffle any sound from their cabin.

She chuckled quietly. “Oh, we were always going to do this. I didn’t make a special trip to Victoria’s Secret for nothing.”

Their hands did not remain idle long. His fingers were feather-light as he stroked her hair back from her face, and then caressed the familiar curve of her cheek. Their legs tangled together, and he drew her closer to him when she shivered in the coolness of the night. His lips brushed the tip of her nose, and she smiled in response. Her feet were stroking his legs, one of them rubbed the inside of his right foot, and the other slid from calf to ankle and back again.

They watched one another, as the heat and flush of arousal faded into a more languid, relaxed feeling. When they had both recovered, Rafael reluctantly pulled away, and although his legs still trembled slightly, he stood anyway

“I should get us back to the marina.” He held out a hand to help her up.

When she took his hand, she smiled devilishly at him. “Well, while you do that, I think a shower is in order. Mmm, yes. A hot, soapy shower.”

She stood and wrapped herself in the blanket. Rafael groaned at the images that popped into his head. Showering together would be a new level of intimacy for them, something they had not yet experienced together, but the boat’s small shower was not the place to do it.

Soon, he reminded himself, as he located his discarded clothes and pulled them on. Soon they would have all the time in the world to experience new things together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't worry - you will see Father's Day in the next chapter. 
> 
> Also, my wonderful friend and beta motherbearof3 wrote me a gorgeous little piece for my birthday that could well be considered a companion piece to this. So you should check that out too. It's here on A03 and is called 'Parent Teacher Conference'.


	8. Chapter 8

Sunday morning dawned bright and clear in Miami, the rising sun shimmering over the ocean. Olivia woke to someone shaking her gently. Blinking, she opened her eyes to find Noah stood at the side of the bed, Eddie the Elephant tucked under his arm and his hair mussed from sleep.

“Wake up, Momma,” he whispered.

She swept her hair from her face. “Noah, honey, what are you… what time is it?”

He shrugged his shoulders. “I don’t know, but we need to make breakfast, remember?” He inclined his head at Rafael’s sleeping form.

Olivia reached for her watch on the nightstand and brought it close to her face. Squinting in the dim light, she checked the time. It was almost six-thirty. Sighing, she wondered why on earth she’d agreed to Noah’s idea of surprising Rafael with breakfast. Whilst looking for Father’s Day card ideas on Pinterest, they’d come across several posts about Father’s Day breakfasts and Noah had jumped on the idea. Olivia had tried to dissuade him, but he was adamant, determined that this day was going to be as special for Rafael as Mother’s Day was for her.

Stretching, Olivia glanced at her son. He was practically bouncing up and down, he was so excited. She knew it would be pointless to suggest he go back to bed for another hour.

“Okay, okay. I’m up.” She sat up slowly, carefully extricating herself from the blankets so as not to disturb Rafael and swung her legs over the side of the bed. Rafael stirred a little, but quickly turned over and began snoring softly. Olivia smiled; it didn’t appear that he would be getting a lie in for his first Father’s Day, but she would let him sleep a little longer. It would make setting up his surprise breakfast a little easier too.

She slipped on her slippers and grabbed her robe from where it was laid over the back of the chair, before following Noah out into the galley.

They worked quickly and quietly – well as quietly as you can with a five-year-old – and it wasn’t long before Noah was putting the finishing touches to Rafael’s pancakes. He had placed letter stencils – carefully cut out by Olivia the previous day from some of the left-over cardstock from Noah’s craft session - on each one and was carefully sifting powdered sugar over them. It was then Olivia’s job to remove the stencils to reveal the message on the pancakes before giving them to Rafael. The message was a simple one. Just three letters – one on each pancake. DAD.

Noah was just about to start on sugaring the last pancake when Rafael padded out of the bedroom. “I see we’re all getting an early start this morning,” he mumbled sleepily. He inhaled deeply. “Mmmm. Something smells good.”

Noah turned to face Rafael, a look of horror on his face. “Momma!”

“It’s okay,” Olivia assured him before turning to a confused Rafael. “Can you do me a favour and go back to bed?”

“Is everything alright?” Noah had never been disappointed to see him before and Rafael wasn’t quite sure what to make of it.

“Everything’s fine.” Placing a hand on Rafael’s shoulder, Olivia ushered him back to the bedroom. “Noah’s making breakfast for you…” she whispered. “He wants it to be a surprise. Just wait here, please. And act surprised.”

Rafael sat back on the bed and pondered Olivia’s words, trying to understand why Noah would want to surprise him with breakfast. Not that he minded; the delicious smells emanating from the galley kitchen had his stomach rumbling, even in his sleep. It was what had woken him.

He didn’t have to wait long to find out what had spurred Noah’s idea. The youngster entered the bedroom a few minutes later, Olivia following behind carrying a tray.

“Morning, _mijo_.”

The Spanish term of endearment had been falling more frequently from Rafael’s lips since that night at The Tree of Life. It had seemed so natural that none of them – not even Olivia – had really noticed. She heard it this morning though. She supposed she was more sensitive to it given the significance of the day and the decision her son had made. Her heart swelled with warmth and love as she heard not only the words but the tenderness and devotion behind them. Because that’s what Noah was to Rafael now, a son. Even if Noah didn’t accept his offer, she knew Rafael would think of him as his son regardless.

“ _Buenos Dias_.” Noah greeted, clambering onto the bed. “We made you breakfast.”

“You did?!” Rafael feigned surprise, as Olivia had instructed. “What did I do to deserve that?”

Olivia watched the silly look of surprise leave Rafael’s face and she realised he had absolutely no clue about the significance of the day. She caught Noah’s eye and nodded questioningly. He nodded back. He was ready.

She placed the tray down on Rafael’s lap as Noah sidled up to him. “Happy Father’s Day, Rafa.” She smiled as his eyes widened in realisation. “Noah made these pancakes especially for you; I’m sure you’ll understand why…” She let her statement hang in the air as Rafael lowered his eyes to the tray.

His heart swelled as he took in the sight of the breakfast Noah had made for him, and the clear message that it was sending. The letters swam in his vision as tears pooled in his eyes. He blinked to clear them and turned to Noah. “These look amazing, _mijo_.”

Noah beamed and held out the card he had made. “I made you this too,” he said with a toothy smile.

Rafael took the card from him and looked at it closely. Noah had drawn a picture of what Rafael assumed to be the two of them steering the boat on the front and decorated it with stickers and glitter. Above the picture, he had carefully printed, ‘Happy Father’s Day’.

When he opened the card, Rafael’s tears returned and, this time, he was unable to cast them away so easily. Several tears escaped and ran down his cheeks as he read Noah’s message –  the first and last line’s written in the child’s own hand and the line in between dictated by Noah but written in Olivia’s familiar penmanship.

_To Uncle Rafa_

_If it’s still okay, then I’d really like it if you were my Dad._

_Love, Noah_

_xxx_

Accompanying the writing, on the opposite side, was a collage of photos of Rafael and Noah. Some of the snaps had been taken in New York before he left, and some were from their current trip. Olivia was only in one of the photos – the one they’d had taken with Mickey Mouse at Magic Kingdom.

Noah watched Rafael’s reaction carefully and was distressed to see tears falling from his eyes. “Do you not like it?” he asked, assuming the worst. He turned to Olivia accusingly. “Momma! You said he’d like it. You promised!”

Rafael placed a hand on Noah’s arm to calm him. “Hey, look at me.” Noah did as he was asked. “I _do_ like it, _mijo_ ,” Rafael assured. “I promise.”

Noah’s brow furrowed. “Really?”

“It’s the best card I’ve ever been given,” he told him sincerely.

“Then why are you crying?”

“Sometimes when grown-ups are really happy, they can’t help but cry,” Rafael explained. He met Olivia’s gaze over Noah’s head and saw the same raw emotion reflected in her eyes.

Noah glanced between the two adults, regarding them carefully for a moment. “Grown-ups are weird,” he declared, drawing a chuckle from the Olivia and Rafael.

“You should eat, before it gets cold,” Olivia suggested. “Do you want to eat here or take it up to the deck?” she asked.

“In here I think.” He really didn’t want to share this morning with anyone other than the two people he was already with. “But only if you two will join me.” he stipulated, picking up his cutlery.

“We can do that,” Olivia agreed. “Although you may regret asking us when you find crumbs in your bed later.”

She quickly retrieved hers and Noah’s plates from the kitchen and the three of them enjoyed a leisurely breakfast of pancakes and maple syrup, blueberries and orange juice, complete with a large side of laughter and love.

With their bellies were full, and all the plates cleared and piled onto one tray, Noah decided it was time for his mom to give Rafael her present.

“Go on, Momma,” he urged, nudging her.

Rafael watched the exchange with interest and his gaze followed Olivia as she reached into the drawer of her nightstand and pulled out a neatly wrapped package.

“I… have a little surprise for you, as well” she admitted, handing Rafael the card and gift she had bought him.

“Liv…”

She held up a hand to quiet him. “I know, I know. I shouldn’t have.” She smirked, a teasing glint in her eye. He said the same thing every time she gave him a gift, whether it was for his birthday or Christmas. He’d even said it when she’d bought him those chocolate almonds after he returned from suspension a couple of years back. They’d barely cost her ten dollars, but still, he’d playfully chastised her.

“I’ll admit I wasn’t planning on buying you anything, but when Noah and I went to the store yesterday for the stuff he needed to make your card, I saw this and I just had to buy it for you.” He quirked an eyebrow, intrigued at her words. “Just open it,” she told him, “and I’m sure you’ll understand.”

Putting the card aside for a moment, Rafael carefully slid a finger under the seam of the striped wrapping paper and opened the gift to reveal a plain white box. Lifting the lid, he unfolded the tissue paper to reveal a light wooden photo frame. He stared in wonder at the photo of himself and Noah that he wasn’t even aware had been taken. They were standing at the helm of the boat and Rafael was teaching Noah the basics of sailing. Engraved in the wood, above and below the photo, was a message:

_A father is neither an anchor to hold us back nor a sail to take us there…_

_…but a guiding light whose love shows us the way._

“You can see why I felt it appropriate?” Olivia stated, gesturing at the engraving.

Rafael nodded. His emotions were so intense, he didn’t trust himself to speak. He was so overwhelmingly happy. For the first time since he made that life-altering decision in the hospital, he felt he belonged again. Olivia and Noah had claimed him. They were his family and he was theirs. He finally had an anchor, a port he could retreat to whenever a storm came.

Rafael swallowed, finding his voice. “It’s… perfect. Thank you.”

Noah picked up the envelope that had been set aside in favour of the gift. “You haven’t opened your card from Momma,” he reminded, passing it to him.

He took the proffered envelope and turned it over in his hands. “Thanks, _mijo_.”

The card was a simple one. It bore a printed picture of a boat docked in a marina with the message Happy Father’s Day on the front. But the handwritten message inside was heartfelt and full of love.

_To Rafa_

_When you swaggered into my life six years ago,_   
_all ego and ambition, I never imagined that you_   
_would become my friend, let alone my partner._   
_Now you’re both of those things and more._   
_You’re the person my son has chosen to be his father._   
_And there is no one I trust more to do the job._

_Happy 1 st Father’s Day_

_All my love_

_Olivia x_

“Liv, I…” He swallowed, his emotions threatening to bubble over. It wasn’t often that Rafael was lost for words, but between them, Olivia and Noah had rendered him speechless. His hand found hers on top of the duvet as he sucked in a steadying breath and found his voice. “Thank you. love it. I love you.”

Enclosing her fingers around his, Olivia leant forward and placed a gentle, loving kiss on his lips. “I love you too.”

Not wanting to be left out, Noah threw his arms around Rafael’s neck. “I love you too!” He reached for Olivia and hugged them both. “And you, Momma.”

She squeezed him tightly. “We love you too, sweet boy,” she whispered into his hair. She glanced up at Rafael, her eyes gleaming with happiness “So, how do you want to spend your first Father’s Day?”

* * *

They spent the morning on the boat; taking it for one last dolphin-spotting expedition before their blissful week together came to an end. A pod of five bottle-nosed dolphins swam alongside the boat for several miles, jumping and chattering, much to Noah’s delight. The morning was filled with joy and laughter, and Rafael cherished every moment of it. He couldn’t have imagined a more perfect way to mark his first Father’s Day as Noah’s Dad.

Part of him wished it would never end, but the moment of Olivia and Noah’s departure loomed over them like midday shadows until they couldn’t ignore it any longer. So, after sharing a delicious picnic-style lunch on the deck, they returned to the marina where they packed Rafael’s rental car and headed to the airport.

Olivia had always thought of airports as emotionally charged places with arrivals and departures; joy and sadness. Emotions run the whole spectrum: people jumping for joy when someone arrived, hugging and kissing friends and family as they returned to the fold, people weeping as someone left. Travellers bleary-eyed from boredom or jet lag. Old ladies and first-timers wringing their hands worried if they had the correct gate or ticking off the mental checklist – had they packed everything they needed? Tickets? Passport? Camera? Did they remember to lock the back door before leaving the house?

Today though, as she stood in the terminal at Miami International she realised that those emotions weren’t necessarily felt distinctively. She felt like she was on some kind of an emotional rollercoaster. There was sadness; after all, she and Noah were leaving, and Rafael was not. They would be separated. But there was hope there too.

This trip had been so much more than she’d imagined. Being together, the three of them, away from New York, away from the constraints Olivia and Rafael had faced in their jobs, had provided them with the chance to really get to know each other. They’d grasped the opportunity with both hands and strengthened their bonds. So now, even though she and her son were leaving, Olivia was grateful for the time they had spent with Rafael and for what had transpired, the promises that had been made. Her sadness wasn’t as acute as it had been the last time she had left Rafael standing in this terminal, because she knew now, more than ever, that it was only temporary.

“Two months,” Rafael reminded her, resting his forehead against hers. That was all that was left until his contract with the diocese was up.

“…and counting,” she whispered. Just eight weeks and he would be home. Eight weeks. Fifty-six days.

Rafael nodded. “Every day.” He drew his hand down her right arm, taking her hand. “Stay safe, yeah?” That something would happen to her was one of his biggest fears. Even before they were together, but now… the worry was multiplied ten-fold.

“I’ll try.” She couldn’t promise that nothing would happen and she knew he didn’t expect her to; they were both more than aware of the realities of her job after all. But she could promise to try. “I guess this is where we say goodbye.”

“Not goodbye. ‘Goodbye means going away and going away means forgetting’.”

“That sounds familiar. Who said that?” It didn’t sound like his usual reading material. She doubted Tom Wolfe or Kurt Vonnegut ever wrote something so sentimental.

“Peter Pan.” He flashed her a half-smile when she raised an eyebrow. “What? It’s a classic. I’m going to read it to Noah when I’m home.”

“Oh?”

Rafael nodded. “Along with Winnie the Pooh, The Cat in the Hat and Harry Potter.”

“You’re really expanding your literary horizons, aren’t you?”

“I’ve never had reason to read them before, but now…” He scooped Noah up and settled him on his hip. “…I’ve got this little man to give me an excuse.” He turned and regarded Noah. “Now then _mijo_ , you be good for your _Mami_ , okay?”

“I will, I promise.”

His pressed his lips to the boy’s temple. “Good boy. We’ll FaceTime every night, okay?”

Noah nodded. “And you’ll see about coming for my birthday party, right?”

While discussing the timeframe of Rafael’s return on the way to the airport, Noah had realised that Rafael wouldn’t be back in New York in time for his birthday next month; a thought that had distressed him a little. So, Rafael had promised to check his diary to see if he was scheduled to be in court on or around the date or if he’d maybe able to fly up to celebrate with him.

“I will check, I promise,” Rafael told him. He would look it up as soon as he got home, although he suspected he already knew the answer. Several of the immigration cases would be coming to a head over the next month or so and Rafael knew it would be difficult to get away. There was no point in disappointing the boy prematurely, however.

“Okay.”

Rafael set Noah down on his feet. “Hold _Mami’s_ hand tightly,” he instructed.

“I will.”

“I’ll see you soon.” He ruffled Noah’s hair.

“I love you Dad.” He flung himself at Rafael, wrapping his arms around his hips and burying his head in his stomach.

Rafael’s gaze snapped to Olivia’s over Noah’s head. Her eyes were wide and full of emotion; the boy’s words had surprised her just as much as him. He swallowed back the tears that threatened to fall. His heart soared at hearing Noah call him ‘Dad’.

His hands cupped the back of Noah’s head, an expression of pure joy on his face. “I love you too, _mijo_.”


	9. Chapter 9

The distance between Olivia and Rafael became slightly easier after they had a more definite end point. Nothing would stop them from missing one another, but the ticking of the clock that had previously defined their time together now became a countdown. Every day was another day gone, another day closer to that point in time when they would be together again. Permanently.

Scheduling was still an issue though. Olivia only had so much leave she could take and flights were expensive. Rafael was busy too; several of his immigration cases were coming to a head and he was working extra hours to keep on top of them. His heavy workload even meant that he was unable to travel to New York City for Noah’s birthday party. Due to the work schedules in the department, Olivia had planned his party for the Friday, the day before his actual birthday. She herself had booked his birthday off work, but the rest of the squad were rostered to work the weekend, and Noah had wanted all his aunts and uncles, plus Jesse there.

He’d been disappointed that his new dad couldn’t make the trip, and Rafael himself hated that he’d made him feel that way. He’d Fedexed him a gift and promised him that they’d do something special when he came home.

The morning of Noah’s party found Rafael sat at his desk in the pokey little office he had been assigned at the diocese’ legal headquarters, working on depositions for one of his upcoming immigration hearings. He looked at the clock. 10.45. Noah’s party would be well underway by now. A ping from his cell phone drew his attention. Lifting it from the desk, Rafael barely contained an eye-roll as he read the notification from Facebook.

_Dominick “Sonny” Carisi is live now:_   
_“Arrived just in time for the piñata”_

He got similar notifications every couple of days – the man seemed to be under the impression that the whole world was interested in the banalities of his life. Rafael usually made a point of ignoring them, but he knew that Carisi was due to be at Noah’s party and the title of his live video seemed to confirm that. Turning down the volume, he clicked on the link expectantly. He watched, enraptured, as a blind-folded Noah and his friends attacked the elephant-shaped piñata that hung in front of them. He couldn’t stop the laugh that bubbled up when Noah’s stick narrowly missed Fin’s head. The look on the older man’s face was priceless.

He was surprised to see his mother’s smiling face in the background, cheering Noah on. He knew from conversations he’d had with both Olivia and his mother, that they’d been meeting for lunch regularly and had formed a tentative friendship, but Olivia hadn’t mentioned she was going to invite her to Noah’s party. A smile crept onto his face as he watched her; she had her camera clutched in her right hand and was clearly enjoying herself, comfortable in the company of Olivia and her squad.

Carisi left the video running after the piñata had been broken open, and as the children playfully fought over the candy that poured out, Rafael heard the young detective ask,

_“Hey, Lieu. Where’s Barba?”_

_“He’s not coming,”_ Olivia replied off camera. _“He couldn’t get away from work.”_

Since Olivia and Noah’s trip to Miami, she had told the squad about how he’d found temporary employment down there. She said they’d seemed pleased that he was doing well and that he did eventually plan on returning.

_“That’s a shame.”_

_“Why?”_ he heard Fin ask, _“You have some ridiculous legal question to put to him?”_

Rafael allowed himself a little smirk at that. One thing he didn’t miss about New York was Carisi’s inane law questions. It seemed Fin was of a similar mind.

_“Nah, I just thought he’d be here given that he and Lieu are y’know…”_

Ah, so they knew or at least suspected, that he and Olivia had advanced their relationship. Olivia had told him she was neither confirming or denying it; preferring to keep her personal life out of the squad room. He was happy to go along with her wishes – she was the one who had to deal with them every day, after all. It didn’t mean that she was ashamed of him; if anyone asked outright, she would tell them, proudly.

_“Yeah, but a kid’s birthday party…”_ interjected Rollins, _“hardly Barba’s scene is it?”_

The smile fell from Rafael’s face as he heard that, and he closed the live stream in frustration. Is that what people really thought of him? That he was some sort of ogre who hated all children. It simply wasn’t true. Granted, he’d probably not want to attend the birthday party of a five-year-old he didn’t know, but for Noah, it was a different story. Probably even for Jesse too.

It stung to think that Rollins didn’t recognise that. It wasn’t as if they’d never seen him interact with kids. There had been several occasions in the months before his departure that he’d been around the squad and their children. The Christmas party for one. He’d drawn the line at playing Santa Claus, but he’d been there, laughing and joking, and helping the children unwrap their gifts. There were get-togethers at Olivia’s place too and occasions where Amanda and Jesse had joined them when he and Olivia took Noah to the park.

Placing his phone face down on the table, Rafael tried to turn his attention back to his paperwork, but his thoughts kept drifting to the party that was going on over a thousand miles away. He couldn’t focus; Rollin’s comment swirling around his head. He shook his head. He needed to get out of there and get some air.

* * *

After Noah’s party had wrapped up and all his guests had gone home, Olivia sent a quick message to Rafael, attaching a photo from the party, before settling Noah on the sofa in front of Big Hero 6 and beginning the big clean up.

She didn’t receive a response to her text but, given the time of day, Olivia didn’t really expect one. While they FaceTimed every night, they didn’t always communicate during the day. If one or both of them were busy, it could be hours between calls or texts.

Olivia sighed as she took in the sight of her kitchen; paper plates with remnants of cake and melted ice-cream covered every surface, half-empty pizza boxes were piled high. Crumpled napkins. Crumbs all over the floor.

It was a mess, to say the least, but as Olivia remembered her son laughing and joking with his friends, ice-cream all over his face, she knew it had all been worth it. The only thing missing had been Rafael. If he had been there, the day would have been perfect. She might also have had someone to help clean up; he always did after spaghetti night. She lost count of the number of times she had found him stood at her sink, hands buried in soapy water scrubbing away. She would never forget the disgruntled, almost offended, look on his face when she finally took pity on him and revealed she actually had a dishwasher, concealed behind a faux cupboard front. Laughing at the memory, she began collecting the numerous plastic cups that scattered her living area and pouring away the dregs of juice and fruit punch.

Amanda had offered to stay and help but Olivia had waved her off, noting that Jesse was flagging and would probably nap better in her own bed. Conceding that her boss was probably right, she and Carisi had departed, along with Fin who was a little cagey about his plans for the rest of the evening. Olivia suspected there was a woman involved; he’d seemed happier lately; more relaxed. She wouldn’t push him to tell her though, just as he didn’t about her and Rafael.

Lucia had also offered to help, but again Olivia had declined. She liked spending time with the woman; she was entertaining and affectionate – a breath of fresh air. But Olivia didn’t want to take the chance of Noah slipping up and talking about his ‘Dad’.

While Lucia knew she and Rafael were in a relationship, he hadn’t yet told her about becoming Noah’s father. It was something he wanted to talk to her about in person when he returned home. Olivia felt a little bad about keeping it from her, but she understood Rafael’s reasoning – it was a pretty life-changing event and his relationship with his mom still hadn’t fully recovered from the strain of the Drew Householder case. Making sure Noah didn’t let the cat out of the bag, however, wasn’t easy.

Upon their return from Miami, he’d announced it to Lucy the moment she entered the apartment, leaving Olivia with a little explaining to do. After discussing it with Rafael, they agreed to ask Noah to try and keep it a secret until Rafael was home with them. He was allowed to talk about the trip to Miami and that they had gone to visit Rafael. She’d gotten a few knowing looks from her squad when they found that out. She was thankful that there had been few opportunities for Noah to spend any significant length of time with any of them in the weeks since. But with Lucia had been a totally different ball game.

They had been meeting for lunch at least twice a month since Lucia first approached her back in March. After the first few times, Olivia had taken Noah along and he and Lucia had gotten on like a house on fire. She didn’t know if it was the older woman’s connection to Rafael or the ease with which Noah attached himself to her, but the little boy had almost slipped up a couple of times. Either he’d managed to stop himself, or she had intervened. There had been one occasion where Lucia had dropped by the apartment and on that occasion, it was Lucy who had prevented their secret from being revealed. Olivia made a mental note to give the girl a raise once all this subterfuge was over.

It wouldn’t be long now. Four more weeks. Olivia just hoped none of Rafael’s cases were adjourned for any length of time. She was more than ready for him to be home. For them to be together again as a family. They hadn’t discussed living arrangements but, when they had a firm date for his return, she was going to suggest he move in with them.

She doubted he would want to stay with his mother and it seemed pointless him renting somewhere when the chances were that a few months down the line they’d be moving in together anyway. They may as well avoid the extra hassle and cost and just do it straight off. It wasn’t as if they didn’t know each other; they’d worked closely for six years and been best friends for at least four of those. Yes, there were things still to be discovered about one another, but that was exciting. Olivia found that the more she thought about it, the more was looking forward to getting to know Rafael Barba completely.

Those thoughts remained with Olivia as she tidied, mentally cataloguing any changes she would need to make to accommodate Rafael. He’d certainly need a considerable amount of closet space given his spectacular suit, tie and suspender collection and, as she wiped down her somewhat out of date coffee maker, she made a mental note to buy a new one as a welcome home present for him.

With the kitchen clean, Olivia joined her son in front of the television. The movie was almost over and, when it had finished, the two of them sat and looked through the photographs from the day, choosing which ones Noah would like printed for his room. He chose one of he and Jesse – Olivia still marvelled at how close the two were given their age gap – and one with two of his friends from t-ball; the three of them stood side-by-side, Noah in the middle and their arms around each other’s shoulders.

The birthday boy flaked out about half four, the excitement of the day catching up with him. Against her better judgement, Olivia let him sleep while she prepared a light dinner for them. Waking the sleeping child was not a pleasant experience, but she managed to get him to eat enough dinner to ensure he wouldn’t wake up hungry in the night.

Once her son was bathed and in bed, Olivia checked her phone again. Still no reply from Rafael. She wasn’t overly surprised. He’d been putting in a lot of hours lately; working late. He would text when he could and if she was already asleep, then she would speak to him tomorrow. The challenge with living their lives apart was that it was also a lesson in patience. They couldn’t always be immediately available to one another.

She settled into bed and pulled up Netflix on her iPad, settling on season two of The Crown. She managed to stay awake through the first episode but soon felt her eyelids growing heavy. Closing the cover of the iPad, she set it aside and allowed herself to drift off, dreaming of her son’s beaming face as he celebrated his birthday with his friends.

She had been asleep about an hour when the sound of knocking woke her. Having had bad experiences of visitors stopping by unannounced previously, she approached the door with caution. Her phone was in her hand as she rose onto the balls of her feet to gaze through the peephole at her late-night visitor.

Air left her lungs in a rush upon seeing who was on the other side. She quickly flipped the locks and flung the door open. Her eyes were wide and her surprise evident as she stared at him. "Rafa!"

He stood looking back at her for just a moment. There was a large black suitcase standing at his side. His shirt and jeans were a little wrinkled from the trip, but he hardly cared about how he looked at the moment. She was wearing a pair of yoga pants and the Harvard hoodie she’d claimed from him when she and Noah visited Miami five weeks previously. Rafael didn’t care about that either. It was the expression on her face that drew his attention. Beneath the surprise and happiness, there was a tiredness. He could imagine that today had been an exhausting day, just as much as it had been fun.

He stepped inside, dragging his case behind him, and closed the door. Abandoning his case near the coat rack, he reached for her. “Hi.” He pulled her into a hug and held on tightly. The emptiness he had felt for the last few weeks faded away, replaced with her light, her love. “I realised I couldn’t miss his birthday… that I didn’t want to miss it,” he explained, answering her unvoiced question. “I got on the first flight I could.”

That would explain why he’d never replied to her text. Olivia turned her face into his neck as she wrapped her arms around his waist. Her eyes fluttered closed as she breathed him in deeply, enjoying the feel of his hands as they moved up and down her back in a simple, loving caress. He was here. He was really here. She lifted her head and smiled up at him. She didn’t think she had ever loved him more than she did at that moment. “He’ll be so happy to see you.”

“And are you? Happy to see me?”

“God yes,” she declared, smiling sheepishly. For a moment upon seeing him her heart had fluttered and her stomach had rolled and leapt with excitement. She cupped his face in her hands and pulled him into a kiss. It was brief but intense and full of love, and Rafael returned it with gusto. One of his hands slid into her hair as the other gripped her waist tightly.

After several moments, Olivia drew away just enough to wrap her hand around his. She pulled him with her down the hall, back to the bed she’d abandoned to answer his knock. There, he would hold her, as she told him about the day. He would listen intently, apologising for not being there. He’d admit that it was Carisi’s live video that pushed him to fly home and she would joke that the man deserved a raise, before snuggling up next to Rafael and allowing him to hold her close as they both drifted off to sleep.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, this is a little bittersweet. This has been my favourite Barson story to write so far and I can't believe this is the final chapter. 
> 
> Thank you for coming on this journey with Rafael, Olivia and Noah and for being so supportive. I hope it helped bring closure to some of you or lift your hearts after 'the -episode-that-shall-not-be-named'. It was definitely a cathartic process to write it. Oh, and special thanks to @motherbearof03 for listening to my endless rambles/questions/doubts about this fic. Without her, I'd have probably given up before even posting chapter 1. 
> 
> Anyway, I'll shut up now and let you get on with reading. Please do leave one final comment to let know now what you think.

“Mmm. I could get used to this."

The words rumbled quietly through the silent bedroom when Rafael woke up a little while later. He felt Olivia shift next to him. He lifted a hand and swept a few stray locks of hair away from her face. His other hand moved down her back to settle against her hip. When her eyes blinked open and she looked up at him, Rafael smiled. "Hi."

"Hi." She snuggled close. Her feet were cold, so she tucked them underneath his calves. He flinched slightly but didn’t offer any complaint. “You sleep okay?”

“Better than I have in weeks,” he admitted. His thumb swept beneath her hoodie to stroke the soft skin above the waistband of her sweatpants. “You?”

She lifted her head and propped it up on her hand. “Same.” She smiled brightly at him. She pecked him on the lips, and then his nose before sitting up and swinging her legs over the edge of the bed. “As much as I would like to stay here with you, we need to get up. Noah won’t sleep for much longer.”

Rafael nodded, slipping out of the bed and pulling on his jeans and grey button down from the previous evening, while Olivia used the bathroom. He’d grab some clean clothes from his suitcase in a bit. First though, he needed coffee.

He padded down the hallway to the kitchen and switched on the coffee pot. He found everything where it had been before he left. It was comforting, to know not everything had changed. Yes, there were streamers and balloons still pinned to the walls; left over from the party, but everything else was the same. Liv’s favourite blanket was folded over the back of the couch, Noah’s artwork decorated the front of the fridge and his toys were strewn around the room, Rafael made a mental note to educate the boy in the purpose of a toy box. His eyes fell to the cupboard where his bottle of scotch used to live, and he couldn’t help but wonder. He opened the door and found the bottle of Macallan still sat there. He examined the bottle of scotch more closely; he seemed to remember it being fuller when he left. In fact, the last time he was here, the night before his trial began, Olivia had opened a new bottle and, as much as he wanted to get blind drunk and forget what was awaiting him the following morning, he’d only had one glass.

“It’s a bit early for scotch, isn’t it?”

Rafael turned and found Olivia stood in the archway that led into the kitchen, eyebrow raised.

“Don’t worry, I’ve not turned into a raging alcoholic,” he assured with a chuckle. “I was just thinking… It’s like I’ve never been away; everything is exactly the same. Except, the amount of scotch in this bottle.”

Olivia’s look turned wistful. “Those first few weeks were hard… The smell and taste of the scotch were comforting… they reminded me of you,” she admitted, ducking her head. “I’ll buy another bottle when I go to the store.”

Rafael waved off her suggestion, approaching her slowly. He took her hands and, placing a kiss on her forehead, spoke softly. “Liv… cariña… I’m sorry that I hurt you by leaving.”

She shook her head lightly. “You did what you had to do… what you needed to do. For us. If you hadn’t….” Olivia trailed off, she didn’t dare think about what might have happened between them if he hadn’t gone away to deal with everything. The chances are the aftermath, the guilt would have eaten away at him and their relationship. They would have crashed and burned spectacularly. “You’re here now. That’s all that matters.”

“I hope Noah agrees.”

“He will. You’ll be his favourite birthday present. Oh!” Her face lit up as an idea occurred.

Rafael watched as she pulled a box out from one of the shelves in the living room. Opening it, she rummaged inside for a few moments before grinning triumphantly. Turning, he saw in her hand a rather large blue gift bow. She peeled the back of it as she walked back to the kitchen, where she unceremoniously stuck it to Rafael’s shirt. “A gift must be properly presented.”

He looked down in horror at the bow. “You’re not serious?”

“Oh, come on. He’ll love it.”

“I look ridiculous,” Rafael protested.

“No more than you did in that ridiculous poncho.” She gestured to the front of the refrigerator where their picture from the Kali River Rapids hung.

Rafael sighed, capitulating to Olivia’s idea. “Go wake him,” he told her, pouting slightly. “I’ll pour the coffee.”

When she went to rouse her son, Olivia was surprised to find him already awake. He was sat up in bed, playing with some of his Star Wars action figures that Fin had gifted him for his birthday. When he was off school they had a rule that Noah wasn’t allowed out of bed before his digital clock read 7:30, but he wasn’t always great at following it; particularly on special occasions.

“Good morning, sweet boy,” Olivia cooed. “Happy birthday.” She pulled him into a hug and buried her face in his hair, inhaling his unique scent. Noah didn’t allow her to hold him for long, pulling back and asking excitedly,

“Can we go open presents now?”

He’d been allowed to open his gifts from his friends at his party yesterday, but Olivia had kept hers and Rafael’s back, so he had something to open on the actual day.

“We can do that,” she agreed, pulling back the bed covers and helping him clamber out.

He ran into the living room, heading straight to the pile of presents that Olivia had arranged on the coffee table. If he hadn’t been so eager to get to his gifts, he may have noticed the black suitcase by the door or the shoes that lay where Rafael had toed them off the night before. He may even have spotted Rafael himself in the kitchen, leaning on the counter, watching him with great amusement as he sipped his coffee.

Olivia entered the living room a few paces behind Noah, shaking her head at her son’s obliviousness. She met Rafael’s gaze and offered a small shrug of apology. He shook his head; there was no need. The little boy was excited about his birthday and the thought that Rafael might appear and surprise him had probably never entered his head.

Noah was just about to tear into the paper on the first gift when Olivia placed her hand on his arm to stop him.

“Actually, now I think about it, perhaps we should leave those for a moment.” She plucked the present out of his hand, as Rafael placed his coffee cup on the counter and rounded the kitchen doorway. She was pleased to see he was still wearing the bow, despite his earlier protests.

“Awww, but Momma,” Noah complained.

“It’s okay, we’ll get to that soon, I promise. But first I have a surprise for you.”

His mother’s words placated his disappointment a little. “A surprise?” He looked around the apartment expectantly, freezing when his gaze fell on Rafael, leaning on the wall.

“Happy birthday, _mijo_.”

Olivia watched, tearfully, as the shock on Noah’s face turned to one of complete and utter elation. His eyes lit up and a large smile spread across his face.

“Dad!” He jumped down from the couch and flung himself at Rafael who just about managed to ready himself for his son’s onslaught.

Rafael lifted him and held him against his chest for a moment, enjoying the feel of having him in his arms again. Five weeks may not seem like a long time, but when you were away from those you loved it felt like an eternity. Especially when the time apart from them had been as difficult it had been for Rafael…

* * *

_When Olivia and Noah left Miami, Rafael had struggled to deal with the sudden quietness and emptiness of the boat. Being alone gave him too much time to himself, which led to him overthinking. By the end of their first week apart, he was crippled with guilt at the fact that he had gained a son, a family when he had robbed others of theirs by ending Drew Householder’s life._

_Thankfully, Father Garcia noticed his distress after Mass and pulled him aside. After hearing what was troubling Rafael, the priest assured him that God did not see it that way and neither should he._

_“You cannot let the guilt eat away at you, Rafael,” he said. “You have been absolved of your sins and have completed more than the required penance. God has forgiven you and you must learn to forgive yourself. If you don’t, you are saying that you know better than God. Now, you may be a very intelligent man, Rafael but I don’t think even you can claim that.”_

_Rafael managed a small smile. There was a time, when his big, brass ego may have dared to disagree, but not anymore._

_“Drew is at peace now,” the priest continued, placing his hand on Rafael’s shoulder. “His parents, though they will never forget him, will begin to heal and live their lives. Who knows, maybe, somewhere in the future they will have other children.”_

_“You can’t change what happened. And your part in it, you will always carry that with you, but you can choose how you deal with it. You can either dwell on the past and let it haunt you. Or you can embrace it and learn from it. Use it as a force for good. With Olivia and Noah, you have a chance, not only at a future for yourself but to have a positive influence on their lives_. _God has a plan for everyone, Rafael,” he told him, quoting from the book of Jeremiah. “‘For I know the plans I have for you,’ declares the Lord, ‘plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future’. You love Olivia and Noah, and they love you. And your future is with them. It is time for you to move on.”_

_The priest’s words transported Rafael back to that cold February day outside the courthouse when he’d felt like his life was crumbling before his very eyes. He had no job, his reputation was ruined, his mother hated him, and he nearly made the biggest mistake of his life. Walking away from her._

_She had fought for him though. For them. She’d never stopped fighting for him from the moment she’d discovered what he’d done. Was it any wonder he felt he didn’t deserve her? But, by standing by him, had she not already made it clear to him that she felt he was worthy of her love?_

_Of course she had, and he knew that if she had been aware of his thoughts, she’d have chewed him out and set him straight. Vehemently._

_“Thank you, Father,” Rafael held out his hand and the priest shook it. “You have been a great help to me over these past few months. Un verdadero amigo.”_

_After speaking with Father Garcia, Rafael wandered down to the beach, and gazing out onto the horizon, said a silent prayer. A prayer for Drew’s immortal soul, for his parents, for Olivia and Noah and for his future with them. He spoke all his mistakes and regrets aloud and then he let the wind and the tide take them from him, leaving him at peace and ready to move forward._

* * *

“I can’t believe you’re here!” declared Noah, clinging on to Rafael tightly. “This is the best birthday present ever! You even have a bow!" Rafael glanced at Olivia and her eyes said, _Told you so_. He nodded his head and communicated back, _You were right._

“Oh, shall I send these presents back, then?” Olivia asked, indicating the pile of gifts still waiting to be opened.

“No!” cried Noah, wriggling to get down from Rafael’s hold. He didn’t let go of him completely though; his little hand grasped his dad’s larger one tightly as he pulled him to the couch.

When Rafael sat down, Noah crawled onto his knee and Olivia handed him back the present he had been about to open earlier. Olivia had bought him the new Lego Star Wars set he wanted plus some candy, new clothes and a copy of ‘Peter Pan’.

“For your Dad to read to you,” she told him, flashing a smile at Rafael.

Once his presents from his Mom were open, there was only the one from Rafael left. The little boy tore into the paper and squealed at the contents: a Yankees jersey.

He lifted it out of the wrapping and held it up, examining it. It was the newest one. The one he’d been eyeing in the store for weeks. He turned it to look at the back and frowned at seeing it was plain.

“I wasn’t sure which name and number you’d want,” Rafael explained, “if you’d want a player or your own name but we can take it to the store once you’ve decided, and they’ll put it on for you.”

“I think I want Austin.” He shook his head. “No, wait, Bird. Or maybe Drury.”

“What about Judge?” Olivia suggested.

Noah rolled his eyes in an almost exact imitation of Rafael. “He plays outfield. I play infield, remember?"

“Oh of course. How could I forget?”

Rafael chuckled. “Even I knew that, Liv,” he said with a smirk. Turning back to Noah he pointed at the envelope that had fallen out when he’d picked up his shirt. “Might want to open that too, _mijo_.”

Noah did as Rafael suggested, pulling out two small bits of card. Reading the text – carefully sounding out the words – his smile widened as he realised what he was looking at. “Yankees tickets!”

“For next Saturday’s game against the Mets.”

Noah’s face fell.

“What’s wrong, mijo? Did I pick the wrong game?” His knowledge of baseball was limited, but he knew about the rivalry between the two clubs. It would be a big game and Rafael had thought Noah would love that to be his first game.

“It’s not the game… That’ll be really cool. I just… I want _you_ to take me.”

Rafael was confused. He lay a hand on Noah’s shoulder. “I am taking you.”

Noah’s face brightened as he turned to his Dad. “You mean you’re coming back next weekend too?”

At his son’s question, Rafael realised where the confusion was coming from. “I will be here next Saturday to take you to the game,” he confirmed.

Noah squealed, hugging his dad before turning his attention his new Lego set.

The phrasing of Rafael’s answer set the cogs in Olivia’s brain turning. Her mind flashed back to previous evening when he’d arrived unannounced on her doorstep, and the large black suitcase that still sat by the front door. It seemed a little excessive, even for a man with as big a wardrobe as Rafael.

“How long, exactly, are you staying?” she asked, as Noah finally got the Lego box open and emptied the contents onto the now clear coffee table.

“Ah, well about that…” Rafael ran a hand through his hair. “How would you feel about… uh, having a houseguest for the foreseeable future?”

Air left her lungs in a rush at the suggestion. Was he saying what she thought he was? “Are you…?”

Rafael nodded. “I’m home, Liv.” His hand found hers on the couch and enveloped it. “I couldn’t do it anymore. Not being with you both was killing me.”

“What about your job?” He still had a month left on his contract and immigration cases to fight.

“I spoke to my boss, explained the situation and how hard it was being away from my family. He agreed that I could work from here… I’ll have to fly down for the court hearings of course, but the paperwork, the depositions, affidavits, I can work on those from here.”

Olivia’s gaze dropped to their still joined hands. "I don't want you to regret this," she said quietly. "I want you home, but I don't want you doing this just for me and Noah. I want you to come back because you want to."

“I can’t say that you and Noah weren’t pretty big factors in my decision-making process," Rafael admitted, "because the truth is that you were. There were things keeping me in Miami, but compared to being here with you two, they’re just not that important." His thumb stroked the curve of her jaw. "My life has evolved, Liv. Five months ago, I needed to get out of the city and sort my head out, find some peace. It worked for a while, but now… Now, the only place I feel that is when I’m with you.”

Olivia took his hand and brought it to her lips, nodding. He was sure. She could read the clarity in his gaze. Rafael had made up his mind and there would be no changing it. Olivia wasn’t even going to try. She wanted him too much and was selfish enough to admit it. Because she loved him, she could question the choice – to ensure he’d thought everything through properly – but she would not turn him away.

“Well then…” Olivia stood and disappeared into the kitchen for a moment. Rafael heard the freezer door open and close and when she returned she was holding the box of Girl Scout cookies she’d saved for him, “I suppose you’d better have these then.”

Rafael barked out a laugh. “I can’t believe you actually kept those.”

“I told you I would.” She placed them on the table and slid them towards him. “I never doubted you were coming back Rafael, even then. You made a promise and I knew you’d come through.”

“Liv, I-”

She placed her finger to his lips, following up the gesture with a quick, gentle kiss. One full of love and promise. “Welcome home, Rafa.”

Noah’s ears pricked up at his mom’s words. He looked at Rafael. “You’re home? Forever?”

“Yeah,” Rafael assured. “I’m afraid you’re stuck with me now.”

“Will you come to meet the teacher next week and take me to the park again?”

“I will. Now I’m home Noah, we can do all those the things we used to do and more. We can do everything that little boys do with their Dads.”

“And I won’t need to keep it a secret anymore, Momma?” he asked, turning to Olivia.

“Maybe just for another couple of days,” she suggested, looking to Rafael for his opinion. She wanted to give him chance to speak to Lucia.

Rafael nodded. “I’ll call my Mom later this morning. Once I’ve spoken to her, you can tell whoever you like _mijo_ , okay?”

Noah nodded and turned back to his Lego.

Rafael looked at Olivia. “If you think me staying here is too much, too soon, I understand. I can find a hotel or something.” He wouldn’t pressure her. As nice as their time on the boat together had been, he was under no illusion that living together would be as carefree and easy. There would have to be changes, compromises from all of them and he was well aware that, even though she loved him, Olivia may not be ready for that.

Olivia turned to her son, wanting him to have a say. She thought she could predict what his answer would be, but she needed to hear him say it. It was a big decision that would affect him too. “What do you say, Noah? Should we let your Dad move in?”

“Yes!”

“Seems like a unanimous verdict, counsellor.”

Rafael leaned forward and kissed her softly. “Thank you.” He hadn’t dared hope she’d agree, but what began to blossom under the surface when she’d asked Noah’s opinion bloomed bright and full.

“It probably won’t be easy, you do realise that?” she asked.

“Since when have we done anything the easy way?” Rafael asked with a smirk. If they’d taken the simple route, they’d have given into their feelings a long time ago. “As long as this is what we both want, we can work it out, like we always do.”

“This is what I want,” she assured him. “You, here with us.”

“Good, because it’s what I want too.”

“And me!” piped up Noah, jumping onto the couch where Olivia and Rafael pulled him into a hug.

Living together would be an adjustment. Certainly a lot different from her visits. They had both been alone for a long time, it would take time to get used to sharing a space again, to learn the other’s habits and routines. Luckily though time was something they had a lot more of now. It wasn’t infinite, but the ticking clock was finally silent. He was home. They were together; a family.


End file.
